Homecoming of the outlaws: Rewind, repeat and recharge

Dear God

Life has taken a 360 degree turn these days. I have gotten a golden chance to go back home for extended periods of time, reconnect to old friends, spend time with my sweet little niece and once again a chance to look forward to new avenues ahead.

Thank You!! Thank You for the chance to recharge my life again with people who used to be a part of my life in yesteryears. These are people I have known since more than a decade now. Amazing how life came full circle. During the years that went by, we all have loved and lost. Some of us got lucky and I got to meet the new addition to our family.

Then of course, the subtle hints at my loveless life and people trying to Ahem…. get in. It is amazing how my friends believe the grandeur of my life is a façade. Nah…it isn’t. I am single, not ready to mingle. Is it like that hard to believe that a person can live, breathe, exist and be happy on their own?

And that proverbial gory pictures of the future… Abe Ja!

If that was true then there would be no vriddhashrams in the world and no one would be dumping old members of their families left, right and centre. Having a family of your own does not guarantee you will have someone to care for you in your old age. There is always this possibility of getting neglected, trashed, robbed of your life savings by emotional blackmail and so much more.

My being single is completely unplanned and unintentional. But somehow my heart and mind refuse to believe the criteria of evaluation while deciding a life partner. Height, weight, caste, creed, religion, job… What about being considerate, passionate, caring? Not to forget the series of ‘What Ifs’ that starts looming large whenever I think about the possibility.

Thank You for my peaceful existence. Love You God and look forward to my birthday this month. For the first time in my life, I actually don’t care who plans what for me. I would be happy sharing a coffee and some cake with I, me, myself this year if need be. Aisa hone wala nahin hai waise…

Corporate Blues: Bhut beaabroo hokar…

Dear God

Sample this:

I came from a really long break home and was greeted with a relieving order which was shoddy to say the least. ‘We are not giving you a farewell you see. I don’t think this is a happy occasion.’ Sheepishly, not meeting my eyes my immediate boss said. Ha to maine bhi bol diya ‘Mai farewell tabhi lungi jab mai akhri baar company chhodungi.’ It is not about the farewell you see. The establishment here lost me a long time back when they failed to value a flexible, dead honest, intelligent worker. Still I look at my circumstances and cannot accept the fact that I am being relocated multiple times. I refuse to accept this blatant disregard to my security and well-being, God.

There is a lot of hue and cry about my obstinacy in the company. I say, Hell Ya!! I am obstinate but for all the right reasons. All I need is immaculately followed procedures and transparent practices. When you are swimming against the tide, the tide is not your biggest enemy. Your true enemies are the onlookers on the shore shouting on the top of their voices ‘Tumse na ho payega’

Hum kehte hain kaise nahin hoga! FUCK YOU…I want to shout back.

God, only You know my journey so far. My life has never been a bed of roses but this custom-made bed of worries, misunderstandings, ridicule, false allegations etc is going to give me sleepless nights for ages to come.

So what now? Should I as they say ‘soldier on’ and foray on the path of isolation or should I just jam my leg in the door on the way out and say ‘I ain’t moving.’ As of now my family and friends are perplexed at this new development. I can read this in their eyes ‘Why always you?’ Why always me?

You tell me why because You made me the way I am. This obstinate, straight forward, stubborn yet honest daughter of Yours now places everything in front of You for showing me the correct path to take. Guide me with Your light God for suddenly it is so dark now.

And as far as the farewell is concerned “ACKKKKK THOOOOOOOO” There! It is now taken care of.

Homecoming of the outlaws: Old friends, old wine and the safe ride home

Dear God

First of all, I can’t thank you enough for the long pending visit home and my camaraderie with the little devil – my niece. It is amazing how a child transforms a house and fills it with amazing experiences. That, God is the only regret in my life. For someone who is so good at being a mother, the lack of a child in life is quite hard to cope with. My two little furballs fill this gap quite nicely though. Speaking of gaps God…

Your world works in mysterious ways. 17 years, 11 months and 16 days – give or take a couple of weeks. That is how long I have known these friends. Yet I spent all these years here and never knew they lived a little farther from my place of work. Life gave me the biggest surprise of my life by a chance meeting with them quite recently.

That feeling when you meet after years altogether and yet the conversation takes off as effortlessly as this says so much about your friendship. The years in between melted away in the friendly bantering as the evening took off.

God, I needed this evening and this conversation so much… life, love, politics, feelings and what not. This is what I needed so much. All those sleepless nights, worrisome days were just me needing to be listened to and understood. My wounds are healing God. Thank You.

Speaking of wounds, he is getting married within the next few months. Everything he says or does now is a reiteration of my past experiences. The distance, the lack of communication, the formality, the suggestions and the subtle wish that I get settled now (!). Also the shocked gasps at the extent of my moral corruption when I hinted that all I want is a child in my life, not a husband. Copy, paste!!

Kuchh to naya kar lete is baar Aap! But no, there is something new. The way I lash out and speak up is new. The way I translate the suggestions into his real meaning behind them is new. The way I have gritted my teeth and bared my fangs is new. Thank You.

The men in my life have always treated me as a pit stop and not a destination. But there is someone out there for whom I am the destination. If You did in fact created such a person, I pray to you to bring him to me. Or else… just stop now God. I am tired of being a pit stop and refuse to do this altogether.

Bas ab aur nahin.

Worthless pursuits

Dear God

Sample this:

You come across a really funny satirical video on the internet and forward the link to him. Look at what I got back:

Quote “You have enough time to waste! Congratulations. I don’t understand an intelligent lady like you wastes her time in such silly worthless matters.” Unquote

Slow claps God! Rat race people do not appreciate that someone settled in her career and having some free time on her hands decides to have some fun. Buzzkill…

Suddenly I cringe at the thought of how much time I waste (!) watching TV, writing articles, surfing the net and You Forbid online gaming. OMG!!!

Why does your world have to be like this? Always the utilitarian, always searching for new ways to make use of time, money, age, talent, resources and what not. Your world is always in a jaldi to achieve something, be something, do something. For what? Chetan Bhagat Sir nailed it so many years ago when he said in his speech in Symbiosis ‘Life is one of those races in nursery school where you have to run with a marble in a spoon kept in your mouth. If the marble falls, there is no point coming first….’

But for your world marbles are falling left, right and centre. People hardly care. Love, relationships, friends and all such worthless pursuits like reading. There was a time when he said instead of reading, you can indulge in some more worthwhile thing – like business. I have done my share of transactions for him but now I want to do no more. No matter what I do, no matter how hard I work this utilitarian mentality will keep hurting me. It will never be enough.

Having a balanced life is important to me God. I still remember my college days. I never went to watch movies, played video games or read those bestsellers. Just in the hope that one day when I have achieved something in life, I will indulge myself. Now that I have, why not enjoy my time. I am still a kid at heart God.

I earned my right to indulge myself a long time back with the sacrifices I made over the years. I have a right to use them too. 

Living in Exile : Life as a bachelor

Dear God

There is no manual to parenting. What works for one child can go terribly wrong for another and there are no immediate results. You take a decision now and the impact will hit you years after. In addition to comparison with the proverbial model child or ruined bad ass (as the case maybe), the worst thing you can do to your child is blame them for how they choose to live their respective lives. Having said that..

Marriage / Mirage…what’s in a name God when both mean the same for me – Unrealistic expectations. When I imagined my life 10 or 15 years back, I could never imagine I would be living this dream. Now I am. I did well in life and I Thank You for that God. Times when I had no one to turn to, you showed me ways which never existed before. And here I am….

Now it feels weird to think of sharing my life with someone. People on the outside think bachelors have this irresponsible, reckless life and home with no focus or future plans. Tell you what? It is not like that at all. My bachelor’s pad is a blissful happy home where I have the freedom to do what I want, when I want and where too! Being alone is all about being responsible for your home and life.

I love the fact that I never have to choose which side of my bed I should sleep on. I love the fact that I have to ask no one for having two lovely fur balls in my home and help a lot more strays with food and sometimes shelter. I love the fact that I can wear whatever I want, I never have to ask ‘Moti lag rahi hu kya?’ Lag bhi rahi hoti hoon to kya? I start working out and get back in shape or not… by choice and not because my significant other is looking at other girls with admiration. Waise no matter what you do, the significant other will always find the grass greener on the other side. So, who cares?

I love the fact that once I shut the door of my home, sweet home I can just enjoy my peace. Silence is bliss guys…realize that. I also love the fact that I can write these articles without having to abandon my train of thoughts and pause for his coffee or dinner or whatever!!

For those who want to try being with someone else for the rest of their lives… Ja Simran jee le apni zindagi. As far as I am concerned Is Simran ko bhi to jeene ka haq hai ki nahin?

Love You God – My friend, philosopher, guide and what not. Thank You for this life and Thank You for keeping me safe always.

Indian matchmaking : A Review

Dear God

Sample this:

 Aparna 34: Requires ambitious, serious and caring life partner who shares her love of travelling.

Pradyumn 30: Creative, attractive, fond of travelling wants a life partner who is attractive, interesting to talk to and artsy.

Nadia Approx. 30: Extrovert, friendly, outgoing wants a life partner who shares her vivacity.

Now when Seema Aunty set out to match make for these three, I like that she showed bio-datas to all of them. To the guy she showed so many bio-datas and calls him confused when he does not want to meet up with any of them. Smart guy Pradyumn otherwise you would have spent 100s of hours meeting girls who you will never see again in your future. To Aparna she shows one and when she does not want to meet that guy, she just labels her as stubborn and negative. If you ask me, Aparna is not stubborn. She is someone who knows what she wants. Then with her persuasion, she agrees to meet a guy totally not her type. Srini is ok but he is seven years older than her and does not have a concrete future plan. Being indecisive about what to wear is kind of ok sometimes, but this is life we are talking about. Why would we match an ambitious, driven, focussed person with someone who does not know what he/she wants to do in future. It is her life after all. When she refuses to further consider, again the word stubborn! OMG so matchmaking suddenly means you accept the very first proposal you come across…really Aunty?

And then she takes the cake when she matches Aparna with a divorcee who choses to conceal his marital history. That too when Aunty knows and she tries to downplay the whole thing!!

And then we have Akshay: a 20 something young man with marrying young running in the family. The way his mom keeps pressurizing him to get married is so stereo-typically Indian.

Overall for an informed, educated, mature person like me Indian Matchmaking is a dish hardly appetizing.

PS: The views expressed in this article are my own personal opinion and I agree to disagree with people who do not share my views.

 

 

 

When the hurricane hits

Dear God

Thank You for keeping me sane through these crazy times. COVID 19 has gripped the entire earth and is terrorizing us all by its high mortality rate. No one really knows how to battle this unseen monster. All we have known so far is cover, shield and maintain distance. In these difficult times, we also saw so many faces of humanity. Some rose to the occasion like true visionaries and heroes like Sonu Sood sir. Some just took advantage of this as if this crisis too is an opportunity to hoard, loot and selfishly restrict resources to their own limited circle. Corporate Social Responsibility is such a big word and the responsibility attached to it is way bigger now. Our role as a team and as organizations is way larger than what was earlier expected from us.

A very different hurricane hit back home a few months back. We lost a family member. Things after that have been rocky to say the least. It is so hard to bear with this loss for all of us. Yet we all have our own ways to cope.

God I always wonder why we women give so much to a relationship, every relationship. When I was young, I always thought I will always have my own separate existence. I will make my own place in this world and I will make sure whoever is with me knows how much it matters to me. Yet there are times when I enter this world of self-doubt and think was it all worth it? Men are so insecure when it comes to a partner.

The same person who appreciates an independent confident woman would suddenly doubt his wife’s ability to handle things on her own. The same person who will support and encourage his lady friends to have people other than BAE in their lives would be pissed at the number of messages in his significant other’s inbox. The same man who supports and appreciates female colleagues at work will be sceptical about a working wife or better still will make it clear at the time of tying the knot Hum apne ghar ki bahuon se Naukri nahin karwayenge’

I chose to go the other way in life, against the tide. Only time will tell if I was right. Till then, God…I soldier on.