The Blame Game

THE PAST:

‘Jhoothe Ilzaam meri Jaan lagaya na karo

Dil hai nazuk ise tum aise sataya na karo.’

Dear Ex

A broken relationship gives you so much time to introspect on life and all that there is in it. When we broke up, I started hating myself for being what I am. I hated my accomplishments, my privileges, my hard work and my achievements. I wondered why I had to be different from everyone else. Why could I not be the girl next door? Why I was special and important for the society? For once in my life, I wanted to be the girl in the back of the room, not the one standing in front giving a presentation. For once, I did not want to be independent.

The fact that I work to earn a living is always the elephant in the room when it comes to marriage. People have gone to the extent of saying ‘You don’t need to be married, you toh earn your own money…’ Or this that ‘Paise ke chakkar me ghar se itni door akeli ho, shadi bhi kyun karogi when you are enjoying yourself so much.’  No one notices the fact that I have a family too. All I did was be what they wanted me to be. I wanted to justify my existence in their lives. Like every other child, I wanted to make them feel proud,.. Like a normal child, I want to shoulder my responsibilities. Equality for women is not only in terms of going out and stuff. It is also that my father is never alone. He can depend on me for something, everything. Being dependable and responsible is all I sought. This ‘enjoying myself’ is a huge sacrifice I made.

I compromised a life of comfort and security and faced the society on my own. My choices are tough but necessary. I am bound not by compulsion but by my sense of duty towards my family and my country. I have been bestowed with a professional education; the country has invested in me. I have to give back to it.

If my skill is what you need, then yes I am willing to sacrifice my personal goals for it. I am willing to deliberately stay and choose this life over all else.

THE PRESENT:

‘ Tumko dekha to ye khayal aaya

Zindagi dhoop tum Ghana saaya’

Dear love

Thank you for understanding that I have the right to earn my living. Thank you for understanding it does not mean you are incapable of taking care of me. That it means you are mature enough to understand that I am an individual and I have to have my own place in the society. Thank you for supporting me. Thank you for going beyond conventions and letting me be your partner in true sense.

Thank you for trusting my capabilities to handle both office and home. Thank you for respecting and maintaining the dignity of my hard work. Thank you for being what you are to me. I love you…

Disclaimer: The story I share with you all today; may or may not be true. For as a writer I am certainly influenced by what I see around me. At the same time, I retain what I call and known as artistic liberty.