THE PAST:
तेरे खुशबू में बसे ख़त, मैं जलाता कैसे
प्यार में डूबे हुए ख़त, मैं जलाता कैसे?
Acrid smell of burning paper fills the air. I watch the diary burn with a hollow look in my eyes. I am so done crying for you. Words written with so much love, thoughts and feelings - all reduced to ashes now. All the sleepless nights which I spent in preparing this gift for you - gone. All the thoughts that went through my mind - lost. All the time I spent reading and re-reading it is now over. All that is left is a faint recollection. I am counting on it to fade with time. I still remember the day I gave it to you. I had just read The Notebook* and I wanted you to have your own version of that. I am a little Ms. Drama that way. A hopeless romantic!
Anyway! I gave it to you and you looked pleased. Not the 'I am happily surprised' kind of pleased. But a 'I don't know what to do' kind of pleased. My love used to confuse you. You used to ask often ' Why do you love me so much?' Now I know. I loved you because I am wired that way. I love with all my heart, I trust blindly, I plunge my heart, mind and soul in it with abandon. I am a no holds barred person. It is not such a bad thing though. You may think now that I was wanton. I was everything but that. My love belongs to one only. But no one seems to do justice to it so far. The men in my life were either fools that they lost something so precious. Or maybe they were super smart that they got so much out of a relationship in such a short time. That too without having to return the love, the time. the dedication, the patience and so much more. Anyway!
THE PRESENT:
People love to call out on me for my choices and my life style. It is nothing weird though. I go to office, come home, take my dog for a walk and then let the night sink in.Every single day. So why do I need to tell you this? That is because the rumor mill was working overtime again. I have been hearing things like I was partying with abandon or was seen with someone I hardly know. Over the years people have invented their own versions of me and none of them comes close to what I really am.
Now imagine if a person like me was married - Phew!! First of all, it would depend on whether the other half (No, not better half, unless proven ;) loves dogs. It is a non-negotiable. If a person like me was married - Ghar me bahut shor hoga. I am used to the silence, the sleepiness, the solace. The absolute peace and quite. Now suddenly I will have to talk..talk! Ewwwww. After the mandatory attendance call home, I have no energy left to do that. On top of that, I will have to cook, clean and pickup after a good-for-nothing sloth. Yeah, that is what most men are. Sorry boys.
This you may say is a narrow minded point of view and marriage is a beautiful thing. Agreed. But I have never seen the beauty in it. I always have seen many sides of marriage and one is worse than the other. So as an outsider, I think I am better off. Also the truth is Angur khatte hain. Yeah, you heard that right. Meri life koi sooraj barjatya movie thode na hai ki gharwale mand mand muskurate rahen aur hamari pasand ko dhoom dhaam se apna len.
Every man in my life has been a free loader. I had to provide for them while they were with me and bear the loans they left on my head after they left. All the broken relationships in my life tried to teach me - I am way better off alone.
There is no man in this world who will be able to take a stand for me. I have stopped day dreaming after the latest crisis. I haven't called it quits yet, though. A hopeless, eternal romantic in me would hate to see you go. But in my heart I know the end is near.
As it approaches, I want you to know. I forgive you and all that came before you. For you know not what you have done.
Anyway! I gave it to you and you looked pleased. Not the 'I am happily surprised' kind of pleased. But a 'I don't know what to do' kind of pleased. My love used to confuse you. You used to ask often ' Why do you love me so much?' Now I know. I loved you because I am wired that way. I love with all my heart, I trust blindly, I plunge my heart, mind and soul in it with abandon. I am a no holds barred person. It is not such a bad thing though. You may think now that I was wanton. I was everything but that. My love belongs to one only. But no one seems to do justice to it so far. The men in my life were either fools that they lost something so precious. Or maybe they were super smart that they got so much out of a relationship in such a short time. That too without having to return the love, the time. the dedication, the patience and so much more. Anyway!
THE PRESENT:
हर इक बात पे कहते हो तुम कि तू क्या है,
तुम्ही कहो ये अंदाज़े गुफ्तगू क्या है?
People love to call out on me for my choices and my life style. It is nothing weird though. I go to office, come home, take my dog for a walk and then let the night sink in.Every single day. So why do I need to tell you this? That is because the rumor mill was working overtime again. I have been hearing things like I was partying with abandon or was seen with someone I hardly know. Over the years people have invented their own versions of me and none of them comes close to what I really am.
Now imagine if a person like me was married - Phew!! First of all, it would depend on whether the other half (No, not better half, unless proven ;) loves dogs. It is a non-negotiable. If a person like me was married - Ghar me bahut shor hoga. I am used to the silence, the sleepiness, the solace. The absolute peace and quite. Now suddenly I will have to talk..talk! Ewwwww. After the mandatory attendance call home, I have no energy left to do that. On top of that, I will have to cook, clean and pickup after a good-for-nothing sloth. Yeah, that is what most men are. Sorry boys.
This you may say is a narrow minded point of view and marriage is a beautiful thing. Agreed. But I have never seen the beauty in it. I always have seen many sides of marriage and one is worse than the other. So as an outsider, I think I am better off. Also the truth is Angur khatte hain. Yeah, you heard that right. Meri life koi sooraj barjatya movie thode na hai ki gharwale mand mand muskurate rahen aur hamari pasand ko dhoom dhaam se apna len.
Every man in my life has been a free loader. I had to provide for them while they were with me and bear the loans they left on my head after they left. All the broken relationships in my life tried to teach me - I am way better off alone.
There is no man in this world who will be able to take a stand for me. I have stopped day dreaming after the latest crisis. I haven't called it quits yet, though. A hopeless, eternal romantic in me would hate to see you go. But in my heart I know the end is near.
As it approaches, I want you to know. I forgive you and all that came before you. For you know not what you have done.
Courtesy: Nicholas Sparks The Notebook and Mirza Ghalib (Couplets)
Disclaimer: the story I share with you all today; may or may not be true. For as a writer I am certainly influenced by what I see around me. At the same time, I retain what I call and know as artistic liberty.
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