Walk Alone V

Dear God

Sample this:

Bhagwan tumhein aaina zarur dikhayega. Tumhara kiya tumhare aage zarur aayega. Tumhare karmon ka fal hai tumhari zindagi. Kisi aur se khud ki tulna karne se pahle soch lo. Wo jo hai tum kabhi nahi ho sakti. Tumhare andar koi atm samman nahin hai. Warna us ladki ke pas tum jati hi kyu jisse tumne har rishta khatm kar diya. 

Hmm…So extending the olive branch to her was a huge mistake. I shouldn’t have done that no matter what her condition was. I am such a fool. Hai na? I knew even at that time that I was committing the biggest possible mistake in my life. Now when he says all this, I am simply reminded of my own prophetic words at that time. Aap hi mujhe bhej rahe hain aur kal ko aap hi kahenge ki main us ke aage jhuk gayi hun. Uski position aur power se dar gayi hun.  

God I am so pissed off with your world right now. I just don’t want to be a part of it anymore. But as I said earlier “I ain’t no quitter!” So I decided that I will do it all. I will fight this feeling of worthlessness and loneliness. I will keep my head high in the midst of all the accusations. I will cut further off from the world – your world and your society.

Mum was here recently and I just marvelled at the level of communication we share. She was open, honest and understanding. I recall my early childhood and wonder why I could not have this same understanding in all those years…maybe because I was not an adult then. Or maybe because she knew she had some influence on me back then. We all dream of our children to be independent in life. But when we execute our independence, parents have a hard time accepting our opinions, decisions and judgement.

Fast forward to yesterday, a day well spent in the company of my one and only. I love the way I struggled to accomplish one of our common targets. I failed but nevertheless I tried. Going down without a fight is something I never wanted. Thankyou for giving me this opportunity to redeem myself.

He was the one lecturing me about self-respect and dignity. Now he is the one who is compromising with his pride, dignity, self-respect and worth for achieving success. The means never justify the ends God. No, they don’t!!

Thankyou for whatever I achieved in life, I achieved out of luck, hard work, dedication and vision. Thank You that I was always on the right path. Thank You for always keeping me safe.

Love him the way You loved me all these years, protect him the way You protected and sheltered me. Keep him safe and sound God. Even if he choses to go astray, lead him back to the right path.

PS: Let him know I am always there.