Tu ja raha hai to tanhaiyan bhi leta ja
Talukkat ki parchhaiyan bhi leta ja
Gai ruton ka har ek lamha mujhko lauta de
Fir apni yadon ki purvaiyan bhi leta ja
THE PAST:
Love means never having to say you are
sorry
-Eric Segal in Love Story
But I am really sorry for falling in love. Anything in the world, any
crisis under the sun is much better than what I am going through right now. I
should have been what everybody else was yet I begged demanded
to differ. Serves me right! For life is not all about yellow carnations. Life
is about fake relationships, forced commitments, acting under pressure and
pretending to like it. That is seriously so not me…so what! If half the world
can do it, maybe I can do it too. So what if it damages my soul…So what if I do
not like the sound of it! Life is all about giving up on your dreams and
accepting blindly what is being offered. Beggars cannot be choosers
after all. The whole world thrives on this sadistic misogynistic tendency. Here
I was happy in my own cocoon. Thinking if I waited long enough, tried harder,
had a little more patience it would one day turn out all right. It did not…The
people who lost faith in me are not to be blamed. I am…For I still have faith
in them.
Putting my life on line is what I did all my life. I do not know how not to
do it. I risk it all always and maybe lose. Yet I start again and put it all
out there willing to lose it all over again.
THE PRESENT:
Dear love
Giving up on my dreams is what you want from me as do all the people I
know. People around me always wonder where I draw the strength from… I lost it
all and risked it again…That is how you see it. The world has never wanted me
to be happy; they just want me to conform to the norms. They just want me to do
what everyone else does. You made me promise I will do it.
Yet I once again beg to differ. I do not need a person in my life to make
me happy. I do not wish to start a family, I so do not want to be classically
conditioned and become a person I am not from within. As within, so without is
such a simple thing. Yet you want me to complicate my life in the worst way
possible. Marriage does not mean spending your life with a person. A hoard of
new relationships comes with that. How am I going to be faithful to it all if I
do not believe in it?
That is so not me…Knowing me the way you do, I am horrified you asked me to
do it. Say it to my face, baby. Maybe then I will think about it!
PS: I promise you nothing; just as you did not promise anything to me.
Disclaimer: The
story I share with you all today; may or may not be true. For as a writer I am
certainly influenced by what I see around me. At the same time, I retain what I
call and known as artistic liberty.
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