To hell and back….!!

THE PAST:

Yaad nahin kya kya dekha tha Sare manzar bhool gaye

Uski galiyon se jab laute, Apna bhi ghar bhool gaye

Tujhko bhi jab apni kasmein apne wade yaad nahin

Hum bhi apne khwab teri ankhon mein rakh kar bhool gaye

Dear You…

When one relationship does not work, there is no rule which says you cannot or should not get another chance. There is no rule which said I could not feel what I felt for you. There is no rule which says I will not remain loyal to you. Yet for girls like me, it’s always a Catch 22. If you stay in the relationship inspite of all the hardships, you are termed as obstinate. If you don’t; you are fleeting and disloyal.

It irked you no end when I used to compliment you or call you sweet nothings. What was supposed to be an endearment became a cursed word when you said ‘Isi naam se kis aur ko bhi bulaya hoga na aapne.’

When I wrote letters to you, addressed to you and you alone, you wanted to know what I did for someone else. Our relationship was never ours; it was always overshadowed by a person who did not exist in my life anymore.

I tried harder to make you believe in my love for you. Yet you chose to turn a blind eye to my feelings and heartlessly, yes heartlessly crushed my confidence for making me feel I was doing it for the second time. So it was nothing new for me…

Inspite of all the faith I have in myself, my tryst with you always made me feel less so. I was always searching for my faults, my shortcomings. Thankfully, I don’t anymore.

THE PRESENT:

‘Unki nigah mein hai mere dil ki dastan

Mai sochta hun ab mere kehne ko kya raha’

Nazmi kisi ki yaad ke sab zakhm bhar chuke

Ek zakhme-arzu jo hara tha hara raha

“Jaan!” Really? Like really?

Wow! I never knew you could be so cheesily romantic. Cheesy yet beautiful… I am still haunted by the ghosts of the past hence my cold reaction to all your endearments. I am scared to place my trust in you, even though it’s not your fault. I am afraid to open up. I have no answer to your question “Do you trust me?” I really want to say yes but I can’t.

The last time I said yes to it, I was rewarded with abandonment. Someone chose to forsake me only because I trusted him blindly. So should I give fate another chance to mock me? Or just take it really slow this time? Slow is nice…for it will give me a chance to know you better. I will never say yes when I want to say no.

I know you will wait it out for me…

Disclaimer: The story I share with you all today; may or may not be true. For as a writer I am certainly influenced by what I see around me. At the same time, I retain what I call and known as artistic liberty.