The Sick One

THE PAST:

Wo mera dost bhi hai dushman bhi

Bad dua dun use magar na lage

‘Where is the cure? Everyone seems to be worried about eliminating the symptoms. Taking precautions doesn’t cure the actual disease. It actually exists hidden out of sight. Disease free and shiny from the outside but inside it’s all still there.’

-      Niketa Singh in Every time it rains

Dear Moms of the world

Are you done checking your precious son’s phone and chat records? What? He did not let you…Hmmm As expected. Smart Ass him. We women are a naïve lot Maa. We believe everything we are told. Even if we suspect otherwise!

So I also made the same mistake as you. I believed when he said he will always love me. I believed the false promises made with no intention to follow through. I believed the false sense of security he inculcated in me. Now I know the truth. I know it never existed – the love he was so sure of.

The sweet, innocent boy next door is a beast in reality. He is capable of shattering a person and her confidence by just a word. A word is all it takes Maa. A simple two letter word which says I am no good. The worst thing that happened to me is – I believe it. I believe every word he said. He said I am incapable of taking care of a family; I am lost in my own world. I have my own things to cater to and have no space or patience for any other relationship. I am a self-obsessed narcissist who cannot see beyond herself.

For me a husband is just a trophy to decorate around the house, not a life partner. I don’t need a husband as such. In his opinion, only the damsels in distress need rescuing. Not someone like me.   

I believed him when he said all those sweet nothings, Maa. There is no reason why I will not believe him now.

Good luck to me.

THE PRESENT:

 Koi humdum na raha, koi sahara na raha

Hum kisi ken a rahe, koi hamara na raha

Dear love,

Broken hearts can never heal my love. I will forever bear the battle scars of my past and I will have to live with that. Thank you to you for your patience. I am amazed at your ability to bear it for so long. You should have dashed to the door on the double a long time back. I would be lying if I say I am expecting otherwise. Yet you chose differently. The trust you place in me even after I treat you so overwhelms me. It makes me believe a different life, a different future. It makes me believe I have a fair chance at choosing a different life. It makes me believe I am worthy of a different life than what I had. Your faith, your love, your patience and your time – all that I get from you is all I need to be whole again. All I need to be happy again, all I need to be able to trust again. This eternal promise of being forever together is all it takes to bring out the best in me.

Hang in there my life. I will bring you out of this hellhole.

Love you, hamesha.

Disclaimer: The story I share with you all today; may or may not be true. For as a writer I am certainly influenced by what I see around me. At the same time, I retain what I call and known as artistic liberty.