Being a foster parent: An inter-caste marriage

घर से मस्जिद बहुत दूर चलो यूँ कर लें

किसी रोते हुए बच्चे को हंसाया जाए

My dear world,

What is wrong with you? I am a dog lover, all right. You do not have to be hater at that! With your profound love (!) for mankind you have already spread so much propaganda about caste, creed and religion.  Do not spread it to them dogs, eh.

The story started when Chiku decided to adopt a stray. Those who do not know who Chiku is – he is my absolutely spoilt Pomeranian brat. Dare you call him a dog…He has this irritating but beautiful habit of opening up his home for other dogs. My job is to get them checked, get those injections and other precautions and of course cleaning up after them.

I have had a fair share of criticism because I decided to adopt Chiku. Now I have opened a fresh can of worms. My intention behind fostering this adorable stray was pretty simple – she is cute, homely and affectionate. She deserves a chance at a better life. I am trying to help her with that.

Meanwhile the unthinkable happened. The pup in question is a female so she had more pups. Unfortunately only one survived. My struggle doubled. Please don’t be mistaken. I love all parts of it. The only problem is – howsoever cute a domestic pup is; it has no high rank or pedigree to support those qualities.

This experience taught me something I already know. When there is little hope for humans with inferior pedigree, for these pups it is nearly hopeless. Who is going to look beyond the criticism and believe in these wonderful adorable fur balls?

I look into their eyes and see the fear of being abandoned on the streets evident in them. But one thing I can assure – unless and until they get their forever homes, they are free to live under my roof. I am trying and soon will find a home for them. In my heart I know, someone somewhere is waiting to give them the prefect opportunity to have a loved and happy life.

On top of that, they are both females. Need I say more?

What a wonderful world! - An open letter to the new age man

Dear God

Just as I was about to give up on good men or men altogether, I got your message loud and clear. There is hope, there is faith, there is love and understanding right in front of me. In the world of misguided attempts to protect us, the words below by my best friend’s hubby tell us that a few good ones are still out there and counting. Take a look:

          

Way to go, Dr. Raja Appuswamy! Thank you for putting it so aptly and wonderfully. I have no words to describe this feeling. Victory!! Yay!

I simply fell in love with these lines:

‘It’s Ok for old books to be wrong. It’s ok if God is wrong.’

In that one moment, every struggle I ever came across has just become worth it. Many times I have been judged for my choices and today one sentence just shuts all of them up ‘I don’t care what selection she makes. SHE IS ALWAYS RIGHT. The job of a parent is to NOT TO DECIDE WHAT IS RIGHT FOR their girl or boy. It is to help them decide on their own.’

Or this:

Women dressing well due to lusty desires – This is the exact logic used in work place for sexual misconduct.

Women like me are so tired of explaining why without a man in my life, I need to look so good or happy for that matter. Thank you for saying out loud – men want to look good too and women do so for themselves. Not to attract unwanted attention.

So much has been written in support of woman empowerment but these spontaneous words are easily the best. The most wonderful thing about this post is the loud and clear acknowledgement that a woman is a person first of all.

From woman empowerment to personization of women – the new age men are redefining feminism and beautifully so!

And Nimz – great choice, Gal J

Disclaimer: This one is also true

Intolerant Me

THE PAST:

अच्छे ने अच्छा और बुरे ने बुरा जाना मुझे

जिसकी जैसी फितरत थी उसने वैसा पहचाना मुझे

Dear God

A lot of words have been said about the importance of honesty in relationships and everywhere else. Everyone wants everyone to speak their hearts out, share their concerns and tell no lies. Everyone wants everyone to have open conversations, set realistic limits and have a balanced life. Or so I believed.

The truth is so far from this. I am still reeling with the shock of the backbiting spree. But thanks to You, I can cope. I can cope. I can cope or else I can fool the world into believing that I can cope.

God, my words are jumbled, confused and swinging both ways. One me says let it all out and the other is a diplomat. God, in situations like this, people use this little thing called tact. Not my middle word exactly!

Odd – one word which comes to my mind when I want to describe myself. For isn’t it odd that I have been open about myself even when I could sugar coat everything and just glaze over the important parts.

It is like an agreement with the Japanese where they argue each and every point until a mutual agreement is reached. Then they honour every word written there. The kind of self-policing I subject myself to is the same. No one does that.

Well! Tactless me ….

THE PRESENT:

यूँ बेवजह तो खामोश नहीं हूँ मैं

कुछ तो बर्दाश्त किया होगा

Silence is Gold. In the face of everything, here is my answer. Zilch, nada, nothing, sifer. I choose to go my way and silently so. Hard work pays, so does persistence. Therefore God, I surrender the facts to You now.

The best rebuttal so far is the smile I have on my lips even though my eyes are filled with tears of betrayal. Let my work speak. I have been following this since time immemorial.

For I know that it is darkest before dawn and no mountain is unsurmountable. This mountain of accusations will soon become molehill with Your blessings. I love You God and I love the life You bestowed upon me. Your Blessings are with me as I leave all this behind.

I found my purpose in life and it is nothing more than to live each day as if it is my last. Thank You for letting me live to the fullest.

Love You.

Disclaimer: The story I share with you all today; may or may not be true. For as a writer I am certainly influenced by what I see around me. At the same time, I retain what I call and known as artistic liberty. 

 Credits: All shayaris used in this article are couplets by Mirza Ghalib.

Behind the wheels

THE PAST:

अपनी मर्ज़ी से कहाँ अपने सफ़र के हम हैं

रुख हवाओं का जिधर का है उधर के हम हैं

पहले हर चीज़ थी अपनी मगर अब लगता है

अपने ही घर में किसी दूसरे घर के हम हैं

Dear God

I am half way through my life and I have seen so much. Not all of course….just much. I saw friends turning their backs at me when I needed them the most. I saw loved ones betraying me when I placed my faith in them. I saw lies, deceit and misunderstandings where I expected complete clarity with them. I saw happy endings, alas for me…only endings. I saw that with a little effort I can do pretty much everything. Yet I always fail to make a place in someone’s life. I saw that I have immense courage that offers the same amount of me to every relationship – I give my all.

Oh my eyes are tired now…feet are almost done. Ears are fed up of the gossip I hear about myself. Mouth tightly shut for fear of letting lose some bitter and unpleasant truths. Honesty is an overpowering emotion God and the consequences are severe. At times I stop and wonder ‘Has it all been really this bad or am I making up a world in my mind where all fingers are pointing accusingly at me.’ I am confused God and angry and hurt and disappointed and upset and happy. Yeah! You heard that one right. I am happy that it all is out in the open. Finally I can breathe easy.

My strength has been tried and tested in so many ways God and I think I pass with flying colours. A new beginning – they say. Bury the hatchet – they ask me. Start Afresh – they insist.  Ekela chalo* and Miles to go before I sleep*.

I cannot believe in my 33 years of existence I never found a single soul who could love me for what I am. Nah I found no one. Not even once. I have been labelled a lot of things and it hurts….it hurts a lot. So what do I do? Take it all out on You or the next person I can find? People think that is what I did.  No, I did not. I pointed out their mistakes, their shortcomings, their lack of discretion and overstepping their boundaries. I am guilty of lack of discretion and so are they.

PS: I do not regret what happened. Some people do learn the hard way. I happen to be the best of them. For I learn in the hardest possible way…over and over and over again. Bring it on!

THE PRESENT:

अच्छे ने अच्छा और बुरे ने बुरा जाना मुझे

जिसकी जैसी फितरत थी उसने वैसा पहचाना मुझे

Dear God

Thanks for giving me such a privileged and sheltered life. I am so happy that I have the strength to bounce back. I know that the path is a little uphill but I know that You are my anchor. As You hold my hand through this and everything else, I promise I will stop at nothing to excel in whatever I come across. People say that I am single. Little do they know. I feel like I am married God. The kind of commitment and faith and effort and single-mindedness that my career requires; I seem to be married to it. Wow, when I look back I cannot believe I have come this far. But far I am and have achieved most of the things from my bucket list. I wrote it in college and it has the most far-fetched and diverse interests in it. I never realised when they all came true. But they did. Thank You God. Cross country trips, all expenses paid stays in the classiest of places for official meetings, opportunity to train people, chances to make a difference in under privileged peoples’ lives, my dream car, a pet, independence and so much more. All of it has now come true. Thank You

The love that You have for me has been expressed in many beautiful ways. I had hands which held me when I fell, ears that gave me a patient hearing when I needed them to. People who went out of the way to forgive my mistakes, promising beginnings when I thought it was all over and what not. I love You God. Thank you for giving me everything even if at the time I did not know that I needed it. Now I do…

PS: I learnt driving…Yay!!

Disclaimer: The story I share with you all today; may or may not be true. For as a writer I am certainly influenced by what I see around me. At the same time, I retain what I call and known as artistic liberty. 

 Credits: All shayaris used in the articles are snatches of Ghazals or Couplets taken from the internet. Ekala Chalo Gurudev Rabindra Nath Tagore and Miles to go from Robert Frost’s Poem Stopping by Woods.

Haunted

THE PAST:

तेरे खुशबू में बसे ख़त, मैं जलाता कैसे

प्यार में डूबे हुए ख़त, मैं जलाता कैसे?

Acrid smell of burning paper fills the air. I watch the diary burn with a hollow look in my eyes. I am so done crying for you. Words written with so much love, thoughts and feelings - all reduced to ashes now. All the sleepless nights which I spent in preparing this gift for you - gone. All the thoughts that went through my mind - lost. All the time I spent reading and re-reading it is now over. All that is left is a faint recollection. I am counting on it to fade with time. I still remember the day I gave it to you. I had just read The Notebook* and I wanted you to have your own version of that. I am a little Ms. Drama that way. A hopeless romantic!

Anyway! I gave it to you and you looked pleased. Not the 'I am happily surprised' kind of pleased. But a 'I don't know what to do' kind of pleased. My love used to confuse you. You used to ask often ' Why do you love me so much?' Now I know. I loved you because I am wired that way. I love with all my heart, I trust blindly, I plunge my heart, mind and soul in it with abandon. I am a no holds barred person. It is not such a bad thing though. You may think now that I was wanton. I was everything but that. My love belongs to one only. But no one seems to do justice to it so far. The men in my life were either fools that they lost something so precious. Or maybe they were super smart that they got so much out of a relationship in such a short time. That too without having to return the love, the time. the dedication, the patience and so much more. Anyway!

THE PRESENT:

 हर इक बात पे कहते हो तुम कि तू क्या है,

तुम्ही कहो ये अंदाज़े गुफ्तगू क्या है? 

People love to call out on me for my choices and my life style. It is nothing weird though. I go to office, come home, take my dog for a walk and then let the night sink in.Every single day. So why do I need to tell you this? That is because the rumor mill was working overtime again. I have been hearing things like I was partying with abandon or was seen with someone I hardly know. Over the years people have invented their own versions of me and none of them comes close to what I really am.

Now imagine if a person like me was married - Phew!! First of all, it would depend on whether the other half (No, not better half, unless proven ;) loves dogs. It is a non-negotiable. If a person like me was married - Ghar me bahut shor hoga. I am used to the silence, the sleepiness, the solace. The absolute peace and quite. Now suddenly I will have to talk..talk! Ewwwww. After the mandatory attendance call home, I have no energy left to do that. On top of that, I will have to cook, clean and pickup after a good-for-nothing sloth. Yeah, that is what most men are. Sorry boys.

This you may say is a narrow minded point of view and marriage is a beautiful thing. Agreed. But I have never seen the beauty in it. I always have seen many sides of marriage and one is worse than the other. So as an outsider, I think I am better off. Also the truth is Angur khatte hain. Yeah, you heard that right. Meri life koi sooraj barjatya movie thode na hai ki gharwale mand mand muskurate rahen aur hamari pasand ko dhoom dhaam se apna len. 

Every man in my life has been a free loader. I had to provide for them while they were with me and bear the loans they left on my head after they left. All the broken relationships in my life tried to teach me - I am way better off alone.

There is no man in this world who will be able to take a stand for me. I have stopped day dreaming after the latest crisis. I haven't called it quits yet, though. A hopeless, eternal romantic in me would hate to see you go. But in my heart I know the end is near.

As it approaches, I want you to know. I forgive you and all that came before you. For you know not what you have done.

Courtesy: Nicholas Sparks The Notebook and Mirza Ghalib (Couplets)

Disclaimer: the story I share with you all today; may or may not be true. For as a writer I am certainly influenced by what I see around me. At the same time, I retain what I call and know as artistic liberty. 

Not Guilty As Charged

Dear God

फिर उसी बेवफा पे मरते हैं,फिर वही ज़िन्दगी  हमारी है 

बेखुदी बेसबब नहीं ग़ालिब, कुछ तो है जिसकी पर्देदारी है


Once again You brought me a situation which is an exact replica of the last one. The only difference being -  the person in question is far more mature and understanding than the last. yet has responded in exactly the same way as the last. Once more, someone has raised doubts on my integrity and loyalty. God. when you made me you should have put some of the 'Duniyadari' nd the 'triya charitra' everyone talks about. Last time, I got incinerated because someone decided to pay me a visit - without informing me and catching me off guard. Last time, I was accused of retaining the contact, having stayed in touch and deliberately inviting him and then feigning ignorance. The accusations, needless to say were all false. This time, I am being thrown to the dogs because of a phone call, a supposedly harmless 'How are you doing' type. Dear God, what crime have I committed if I chose to attend it in spite of the very late hour? You tell...!!!

Is is wrong to forgive someone's past mistakes? That is what I did when I agreed that though we had a failed relationship, we were great friends too. All I did was retain that friendship. The worst thing about it is, I have now lost both- my life and my relationship. Needless to say the person who caused all this trouble feigns innocence and has stayed away since then. He who deliberately set out to make my life hell now says ' Sorry, I do not want to cause trouble for you' A tad late, God. If you ask me. 

Dear God, men and women are so not equal when it comes to relationships. it is acceptable for your men to have friends in the opposite gender. Alas, not for us!!

Who said your world was fair??

Still Love you, God. Still have faith. 

Disclaimer: The story I share with you all today; may or may not be true. For as a writer I am certainly influenced by what I see around me. At the same time, I retain what I call and known as artistic liberty. '

The Temp File

असर उसको ज़रा नहीं होता, रंज राहत-फ़ज़ा नहीं होता

तुम हमारे किसी तरह न हुए, वरना दुनिया में क्या नहीं होता

Dear Ex

As you embarked on the journey of life with your chosen one, I braced myself for the struggle that my life had become. There were bad days and then there were worst. Good days in between...You slowly killed my dreams and with them you killed the person I once was or could be with you. I forgot what it was to be loved, cherished and desired. I forgot what it was to be wanted. For some time in my life, I lived every day as my last. You know what, I am still lost. One year has passed and I have come back to the place I was. Not that I regret being so… Deep down I feel I was meant for being alone. A person in my situation would want some understanding…which I never got.  I have been too strong for too long. People have forgotten that even the strongest of all need someone, someday.

For some time I thought I found my footing in a relationship. I was a fool! As I notice his indifference and the growing distance between us, I brace myself for another ending. I have lost my ability to retain a relationship…I feel so lost. The best thing about it is ‘I already know how to deal with this one…You prepared me for it.’  But nothing could prepare me for what happened today. As I listen to his accusations, I remind myself that I was the one who brought it upon me. As I listen to the same ‘We are great friends, I need your friendship (!), marriage destroys relationships, etc etc etc!!!! And yet in my heart I know, some day he too will meet someone he would love to take home. I am just not the one and he is too nice to admit it. Just like you, he will hide this truth from me until the end.

Loving, caring, understanding…three words which deceive me throughout my life. Every relationship which I carved ended up being a mirror image of the last one. The same words…the same undertone…the same reasons reiterated. Your job, your pet, your past, your nature….Ah I should copy and paste this list somewhere. It will be put to good use the next time…Next time!!!! I hope there is no next time. I don’t have the courage to be deceived anymore.  

Disclaimer: The story I share with you all today; may or may not be true. For as a writer I am certainly influenced by what I see around me. At the same time, I retain what I call and known as artistic liberty. '