Ask your sons…

THE PAST:

“Beta I was not aware of your relationship.”

This coming from the person who also said:

‘You should have come to me first but you were busy dating my son.’

‘A girl like you who is so arrogant she does not even acknowledge me when driving’

‘You knew so many people in my circle, why did you not accompany them when they used to visit me.’

‘You were undergoing stress owing to your break up so all he did was offering some solace out of sympathy. My son you know, he likes to help people all the time.’

And the final blow from your son:

‘Mummy she is trying to trap me into a relationship, unsuspecting and innocent I am. She needs a ‘Ramu Kaka’ who will hold her bags for her while she shops from the store of life.’

To all your accusations Ma I say I accept it all. If I can openly acknowledge the love that I have in my heart for all of you, I can also accept my share of the sin I committed. However, I accept only my fair share; not more than that.

Now let us take the things one by one:  

1.   “Beta I was not aware of your relationship.”

If you were really not aware of our relationship Ma, how come you know who I am?  I am not even suggesting we are hiding something here but in an attempt to save your son, you threw me to wild dogs. Mothers are like that only Ma. Tigresses all of them…They will do anything to protect their children sons. If it’s a girl, mostly I see parents and loved ones hurling accusations and warnings at her. Followed by threats to marry her off left, right and centre to the first person who asks for her hand. Also sometimes, immediately putting a stop to her studies or any other vocation she was pursuing and without fail…her poetry, her paintings, her music and dance or whatever she loves taken away from her. ‘

Also, the famous words ‘Ladki Jaat ko sar chadhhana nahi chahiye. Humne tumko azadi di, tumne uska galat fayda uthaya. Tumne hamara sir jhukaya hai, ab koi aisa kaam mat karna. Hum tumhare par Qatar rahe hain, ab bahut ud chuki ho. ….’

BULLS****!!

To all the girls out there who are being subject to this kind of torture, say it out loud and exonerate you. The gravity of your sin is not a life-time validity recharge coupon. It expires the moment you acknowledge it and learn from it.

So here is what I acknowledge:

Two years back my parents approached your son in a touchy feely way. They did not say anything outright but wanted to see him. Like you said ‘ Apne samaj ke logon se jaan pehchan banane ke liye. The reason of not directly tapkoing at your home was ‘They needed to be formally introduced before they could venture into something like that.’

What he did was he never came to see them. Many times, I tried in vain to convince him to let them meet socially. Only after repeated assurance from my side that they will not broach the topic of our marriage at all; he allowed (!) (Cannot seem to find any other appropriate word for it) to let them see people from your side.

He manipulated the situation; he was literally blocking all my attempts to reach you. As for you not being aware and to all the mummyji’s out there who are not aware of their sons’ extra-curricular activities (!), drop whatever you are doing currently and go check their cell phones. Do a full on gurilla attack otherwise all evidence would be trashed or hidden. Ask for the password for his emails, messages, chat apps and every single thing you can think of.  

You will find all the answers there. You will find the reason of the unmistakably feminine scent on his clothes, you will discover why he chose to pick up his bike keys and shout out to you ‘Ma mai 5 minute me aata hun.’  Coming back only after a couple of hours. You will find the reason behind unexplained expenditures on his credit card.

You will find who or how many people ping him all the while and how much more time he takes before going to sleep while shutting the door to your face and telling you “Ma mai sone ja raha hun, subah jaldi uthna hai.”

Pick up the courage to confront him ‘Oh mothers of the world.’

Before they go out there and damage someone’s faith in their abilities again, please buy them the entertainment they are looking for. Instead of using and discarding people like expendables.

Coming back to what we were discussing,

2.   ‘You should have come to me first but you were busy dating my son.’

Your son is a very demanding boyfriend Ma and a very dominant one at that. If you really know him in and out, you should have known; he does not like your attention to divert from him even for a single second. He occupied all my free moments with his phone calls, messages and dates. There was literally no other choice but to be at his beck and call all the time. My apologies for the same…

3.   ‘A girl like you who is so arrogant she does not even acknowledge me when driving’

So true! When I am driving and especially when I have a pillion rider, I have eyes and ears only for the road. When you are on the driving seat Ma, you have a huge responsibility to being safe. Even a moment’s distraction can do the damage. It’s called focus Ma, not arrogance.

4.   ‘You knew so many people in my circle, why did you not accompany them when they used to visit me.’

Please refer to point no. 1. Also I was under the impression that going to your future in-laws house without any formal ceremony is yet not accepted in the society. Also I wanted to come and see you after we had made everything official. I did not intend to plot, plan or trick you into accepting me. Plus I hate imposing my company on people. Don’t take my natural reserve for my ego Ma.

5.   ‘You were undergoing stress owing to your break up so all he did was offering some solace out of sympathy. My son you know, he likes to help people all the time.’

Like I said, ask your son, ASK YOUR SON, A-S-K Y-O-U-R S-O-N. He knows everything about my breakup. After all, he helped me recover from it. He knows the relationship was literally turning into criminal stalking. He knows the person in question was such a sissy. He had no courage to take it forward. He knows that multiple times, my parents approached the family in question to make it official and they failed to do so. How long do you think I should have waited? 10 years…? Not to mention, his criminal background was a huge setback and lastly, insistent demands of money from me. Secondly, the person in question is lying, sore grapes type of thing.

Responding to the query that the person in question used to come and see me. Don’t be naïve Ma, when in a relationship, you take certain things for granted.

 I am not a woman of questionable character only because I was in a relationship which unfortunately did not work out.

Dear society, stop looking for so called ‘purity’ in a girl. We are not lumps of ghee. Test your sons as well. Does our partner-in-crime really deserve a supposedly pure girl’s hand in marriage? My sins are not more scarlet than your son.

Ask him why his sympathy involved what it did. Ask him to how many girls he has offered this kind of solace? Is there a fee involved? Ask him all the embarrassing things you ask me, Ma. Ask him all the things you asked me.

Your son is not a helpless little baby bullied into something he was not interested in. He just played his cards well and so he has the upper hand for now.

6.   ‘Mummy she is trying to trap me into a relationship, unsuspecting and innocent that I am. She needs a ‘Ramu Kaka’ who will hold her bags for her while she shops from the store of life.’

No, no, no. Open your eyes and see for yourself my love. You are the one who turned a blind eye to the respect I have for you. I appreciate you as a person and for the person you are. I am the same person who sought you out on her own the day she got promoted to share her achievement. I am the one who leaves whatever she is doing and gives you her full attention the moment you walk into the room. I am the one who never sits when you are standing. I am the one who offers to cook for you even if I don’t know the ‘C’ of it. I am the one who never calls you “Tum”.  I am the one who accepts you as you are and never wishes you change for me. I am the one who always notices small little things to praise you and make you feel good. I am the one who offered her all to you expecting almost nothing in return. I wanted to marry you not out of obstinacy or trap, I wanted you to share my life and make it ours. You are capable of great things in life. You were destined for the same. You choose to call it a trap, I call it love. I am the one who is trapped here sweetheart. Open your eyes to it.

PS: Ma, Just because I have a past and he knows it is not the same as deliberately two timing a person. That’s your son, not me. My love, I do not need anyone to do my chores. Not even to lift the LPG cylinder and fix the fuse.

THE PRESENT:

Thank you Ma! Thank you for the fairness of it all. Thank you for judging the situation fairly and squarely. Thank you for taking a stand for me, thank you for uplifting my spirit. I cherish the respect you have for my privacy when you spared the gory details of my past and let it be. Thank you for telling me I deserve a second chance; everyone does. Thank you for ignoring my tags. Thank you for allowing me to reveal the kind of person behind me. Thank you for appreciating all my achievements and acknowledging that a successful woman can be accepted in the family even if she is more successful than your own son. Thank you for giving me an opportunity to share my abundance with you all. Thank you for the way you raised him, free of biases and discrimination. Thank you and I love you all.

Disclaimer: The story I share with you all today; may or may not be true. For as a writer I am certainly influenced by what I see around me. At the same time, I retain what I call and known as artistic liberty.