I will learn....

THE PAST   :

Today is the first day of my so called life, when you have decided to walk away from me. The morning does not seem like a morning but the sun is up like always. I will let you know in the evening how was my first day!! My heart is sinking by the thought of going to office, I am scared. But if I have the courage to love you unconditionally, I have equal courage to face the world with a dazzling smile for you.

  Today was the very first day of my life and today itself you came in front of me. Good I got some courage, but my pain has also increased many times over. I told you once; I will let you go, If and when you wish to leave me. But I never said I will not get mortally wounded in the process. I never told you I would not be in pain, a lot at that. I never said I will die every single moment after you go. I never said my eyes will lose their sparkle and my face will let go of all its charm. Forever!

Please don’t go, for my sake and for our family. Destiny and happiness are knocking at our door, trust me. Open the door and embrace them. Please don’t dishonor our relationship like this. When we love someone beyond all limits, we bow down for their happiness and wishes. I am doing the same. I am bowing my head with folded hands for the sake of your love, happiness and wishes.

My love and my life belong to you, take it or leave it. Your wish!

If I could have you by offering everything I have, I would gladly offer all that I have and more. Today I am surprised at myself. Me, who talks of women’s liberation, financial and social equality, rights and revolution, I want the same things in life that any common woman would wish for. A home I can call my own.

Oh the three magic words have come full circle in my life – ‘I wish…, But…, Maybe’. I wish you agree for this relationship, but accepting me is not easy, May be my mistakes are not worth forgiving.

I am not able to even stand upright right now, in my heart I know. There will come a day when the wounds will heal, I will pick up my courage and walk again. I will have faith and I will learn to trust again. I will have love and will learn to share again. I will…someday, one day.

THE PRESENT:

MY HAPPY PLACE:

Visiting each other’s office on the pretext of work, sharing looks and exchanging messages when no one is looking. Holding hands as we walk in the corridors, sharing a loving home with our family. Home where we come back every evening after the day’s work is done. His being the very first face I see every morning when I get up. He orders lots of flowers for me on my birthday. Have to be roses…Calling me on my landline at home, complimenting me on the new dress I wore, responding to all my messages and sending sweet nothings of his own, When I go out on tours, he coming to drop me to the station and always asking me when I reach. Always talking me to sleep in the night when I am away. Harmless teasing and bantering about the work I do and the way I work. At home, eating in the same plate with him always, Giving bed tea to Maa in the morning and cornflakes to him. ( PS: Replace cornflakes with something else. He saw Bruno eating cornflakes and he teased me regarding it being a ‘Kutte Ka Khana’). Always having him by my side when electricity goes off, for I am afraid of the dark.

Dreams, dreams, dreams…. They come in all sizes and when fulfilled, each one is equally special as the other.

Disclaimer: The story I share with you all today; may or may not be true. For as a writer I am certainly influenced by what I see around me. At the same time, I retain what I call and known as artistic liberty.