A Class Apart

THE PAST:

Dear God

जाते जाते वो मुझे, अच्छी निशानी दे गया 

उम्र भर दुहराउंगा ऐसी कहानी दे गया 

खैर मेँ प्यासा रहा पर उसने इतना तो किया 

मेरी पलकों की कतारों को वो पानी दे गया 

I don't know what You were thinking when you made a person like me! Do I ever give up trusting people? People undergo one painful experience and just give up on life. Commit suicide, become addicted to substance abuse, become a recluse, even go AWOL for some time. Yet here I am. Kis mitti se banaya hai aapne?  Can't seem to stop trusting people!

For once in my life, I wish I had not been what I am today. I would at least have been safe. I feel so exposed, raw and vulnerable these days.

Courage, persistence, valour and conviction - all seem so far-fetched, so distant. All that remains is the nagging feeling that I am 'not good enough'. I have fought this feeling for so long and now I am tired. The urge to give up is overpowering the will to try. What to do God?

In tough times, when I have been through so much, Your love was the beacon which guided me through it. I need it more than ever now. Dear God, I have lost all faith.

Dear God, think positive is a chant I repeat every so often. Just to keep up my spirits. Yet when I look up, I can't see the stars in the sky. All I see is a dark looming over me. What is this darkness God? Where is your light?

Dear God, hold my hand and lead me to light. Show me the way out of this gloom. Show me for once that love and faith is rewarded. That there are people in Your world who keep promises they make. That You made someone mad enough to have faith in me and love me the way I am.
Dear God, give me that someone who has the same blind trust in people that I possess. Give him back to me. Please.

THE PRESENT:

Dear God

Life has so much more to offer than just the struggles...for a girl like me my only struggle is to feel secure. I do, now. For I finally understood the security I seek has to come from within. Before I trust others, I have to trust myself. I have to have faith in my own abilities to make it happen. I have to know the person I am. I have to shine through all this darkness and firmly believe that at the end of it all, there is light. Hope is a beautiful thing God. Hope that I have a great future and it starts now, right now. I claim it right now. I love You God and I love myself too for You created me.

Disclaimer: The story I share with you all today; may or may not be true. For as a writer I am certainly influenced by what I see around me. At the same time, I retain what I call and known as artistic liberty.