Corporate Blues: Bhut beaabroo hokar…

Dear God

Sample this:

I came from a really long break home and was greeted with a relieving order which was shoddy to say the least. ‘We are not giving you a farewell you see. I don’t think this is a happy occasion.’ Sheepishly, not meeting my eyes my immediate boss said. Ha to maine bhi bol diya ‘Mai farewell tabhi lungi jab mai akhri baar company chhodungi.’ It is not about the farewell you see. The establishment here lost me a long time back when they failed to value a flexible, dead honest, intelligent worker. Still I look at my circumstances and cannot accept the fact that I am being relocated multiple times. I refuse to accept this blatant disregard to my security and well-being, God.

There is a lot of hue and cry about my obstinacy in the company. I say, Hell Ya!! I am obstinate but for all the right reasons. All I need is immaculately followed procedures and transparent practices. When you are swimming against the tide, the tide is not your biggest enemy. Your true enemies are the onlookers on the shore shouting on the top of their voices ‘Tumse na ho payega’

Hum kehte hain kaise nahin hoga! FUCK YOU…I want to shout back.

God, only You know my journey so far. My life has never been a bed of roses but this custom-made bed of worries, misunderstandings, ridicule, false allegations etc is going to give me sleepless nights for ages to come.

So what now? Should I as they say ‘soldier on’ and foray on the path of isolation or should I just jam my leg in the door on the way out and say ‘I ain’t moving.’ As of now my family and friends are perplexed at this new development. I can read this in their eyes ‘Why always you?’ Why always me?

You tell me why because You made me the way I am. This obstinate, straight forward, stubborn yet honest daughter of Yours now places everything in front of You for showing me the correct path to take. Guide me with Your light God for suddenly it is so dark now.

And as far as the farewell is concerned “ACKKKKK THOOOOOOOO” There! It is now taken care of.

Homecoming of the outlaws: Old friends, old wine and the safe ride home

Dear God

First of all, I can’t thank you enough for the long pending visit home and my camaraderie with the little devil – my niece. It is amazing how a child transforms a house and fills it with amazing experiences. That, God is the only regret in my life. For someone who is so good at being a mother, the lack of a child in life is quite hard to cope with. My two little furballs fill this gap quite nicely though. Speaking of gaps God…

Your world works in mysterious ways. 17 years, 11 months and 16 days – give or take a couple of weeks. That is how long I have known these friends. Yet I spent all these years here and never knew they lived a little farther from my place of work. Life gave me the biggest surprise of my life by a chance meeting with them quite recently.

That feeling when you meet after years altogether and yet the conversation takes off as effortlessly as this says so much about your friendship. The years in between melted away in the friendly bantering as the evening took off.

God, I needed this evening and this conversation so much… life, love, politics, feelings and what not. This is what I needed so much. All those sleepless nights, worrisome days were just me needing to be listened to and understood. My wounds are healing God. Thank You.

Speaking of wounds, he is getting married within the next few months. Everything he says or does now is a reiteration of my past experiences. The distance, the lack of communication, the formality, the suggestions and the subtle wish that I get settled now (!). Also the shocked gasps at the extent of my moral corruption when I hinted that all I want is a child in my life, not a husband. Copy, paste!!

Kuchh to naya kar lete is baar Aap! But no, there is something new. The way I lash out and speak up is new. The way I translate the suggestions into his real meaning behind them is new. The way I have gritted my teeth and bared my fangs is new. Thank You.

The men in my life have always treated me as a pit stop and not a destination. But there is someone out there for whom I am the destination. If You did in fact created such a person, I pray to you to bring him to me. Or else… just stop now God. I am tired of being a pit stop and refuse to do this altogether.

Bas ab aur nahin.