Dear
Mate
Last month was filled with so
much elation but apprehension on your part. You moved back to a place where you
started your journey. A place where you and I became we …. Now I don't know for
sure if there is an us anymore. The shock here is I have never known. Seven
years of my hopes, love, prayers and dreams and there was never a guarantee
that this whatever we have will bloom into something permanent or wither away
with time. It has done neither....
There were times when I
strongly felt there was no presence but a mere shadow of a relationship in my
life. Yet sometimes the shadow became a shade in the times of chaos and
uncertainty. There were times when I thought everything about us was worthless
and the very next moment you were right next to me proving that we had
something special. At times I have become hopeless regarding our future and thought
seriously of moving on in my life… whatever that means. But one thing is for
sure, I am not some jogan in your prem who wants to spend her
life in the solitude with only your memory as a companion. I am someone who
values her independence and knows the peace that comes with my solitude. Why would
someone like me dive deep into a family life without the certainty that the
person next to me is worthy of sharing my life?
My
family has been a source of joy for me lately with the latest edition of nephew
and nieces. The little ones’ pitter patter all over my life and their chirpy
voices make my heart warm with love and tenderness. Yet I have not forgotten
the past where I had been ridiculed, misunderstood, mocked upon and even
frowned at. All that can so easily recur in my life if and when I choose the
wrong kind of family.
I
choose? I have already chosen a life where I myself value and love myself to
distraction. I need no other person(s) to tell me of my worth. You can take it as arrogance, I call it an informed
choice. Be rest assured love, you never were and never will be my reason for
not moving on in traditional ways. The fifteen days of pomp and show, chaos afterwards.
No thanks!!
With my
three fur babies (one of them a virtual adoption), loving and caring Bhagwaan,
beta and bahu in whom I found soul sisters and my 32 children (and
counting) I will soldier on in my life. Always with a smile and the surety that
I have been well loved and deeply cared for. I will thrive in the knowledge
that I made a difference in my life and theirs. That we have and we will always
be walking alone…. Yet together.
