Walk Alone : When you moved on

 Dear Mate 

Last month was filled with so much elation but apprehension on your part. You moved back to a place where you started your journey. A place where you and I became we …. Now I don't know for sure if there is an us anymore. The shock here is I have never known. Seven years of my hopes, love, prayers and dreams and there was never a guarantee that this whatever we have will bloom into something permanent or wither away with time. It has done neither.... 

There were times when I strongly felt there was no presence but a mere shadow of a relationship in my life. Yet sometimes the shadow became a shade in the times of chaos and uncertainty. There were times when I thought everything about us was worthless and the very next moment you were right next to me proving that we had something special. At times I have become hopeless regarding our future and thought seriously of moving on in my life… whatever that means. But one thing is for sure, I am not some jogan in your prem who wants to spend her life in the solitude with only your memory as a companion. I am someone who values her independence and knows the peace that comes with my solitude. Why would someone like me dive deep into a family life without the certainty that the person next to me is worthy of sharing my life?

My family has been a source of joy for me lately with the latest edition of nephew and nieces. The little ones’ pitter patter all over my life and their chirpy voices make my heart warm with love and tenderness. Yet I have not forgotten the past where I had been ridiculed, misunderstood, mocked upon and even frowned at. All that can so easily recur in my life if and when I choose the wrong kind of family.

I choose? I have already chosen a life where I myself value and love myself to distraction. I need no other person(s) to tell me of my worth.  You can take it as arrogance, I call it an informed choice. Be rest assured love, you never were and never will be my reason for not moving on in traditional ways. The fifteen days of pomp and show, chaos afterwards. No thanks!!

With my three fur babies (one of them a virtual adoption), loving and caring Bhagwaan, beta and bahu in whom I found soul sisters and my 32 children (and counting) I will soldier on in my life. Always with a smile and the surety that I have been well loved and deeply cared for. I will thrive in the knowledge that I made a difference in my life and theirs. That we have and we will always be walking alone…. Yet together.