Mismatched : The isolation no one talks about

Mismatched: The isolation no one talks about

Dear God 

Sample this: 

You have friends with matching interests and you exchange notes from time to time on the books you have collected and read. Even going as far as collecting the same ones together and planning to read and discuss them sometime. The sometime which almost never comes. 

You are at a place in life when you decide you will diversify your savings profile, invest in some real estate and share market. You invest some money and watch it rise and fall daily. You long to discuss the stocks with someone or maybe discuss which is better as a real estate choice. But your friends are at different places in life and you just are not at the same page. You do it all by yourself. 

You have made some pretty great connections but they live in different far-off cities and it is simply not possible to go to their place or invite them to yours. The best option is to meet them one at a time but coming together as a group seems a far-fetched dream. You hope and dream but, in your heart, you know they simply can't. You stick to video calls, phone calls and Instagram stories to stay connected. You pour your heart out but secretly long for lazy coffee dates with them in cozy restraunts or long all-nighters with each reading your favourite book side by side. 

 You stay alone because of your career needs and they, they stay with their parents or marital homes. Their days, their routines, their needs and concerns are all really different from you. You deeply care for each other; in your heart you know you are so different in your circumstances. You can share your concerns with each other, even understand them. Yet you are never on the same page.

This sense of security seems a farce, an anomaly. What kind of emotional security is it when you know your friend needs to get the hell out yet you watch her cooped up in a six by six 2-bedroom flat in desperate need of fresh air and some peace.

You have a thriving career and so have they. Yet your nature of work is so different that they can only listen to your rants but can’t connect or relate.

The beautiful thing about long distance friends is they are closer to you than those around you. Yet sometimes you wish they lived not so far. When you share this to them, they call you. Sometimes you can go but sometimes you wish you open your door one day and they just barge in. Yet the planning and the execution is left to you.

As an independent woman, it is really hard to trust someone with the planning and control of the circumstances. But that’s a discussion for another day. Today we talk about the same world we live in yet we live lives that are poles apart.

We talk about your emotions laid bare for all to see yet you have to take them through day by day, word by word. I started writing because I wanted someone to find this and share the isolation. Yet now writing this seems like I am shrieking on a mountain top and my screams are landing in empty valleys.

We are alone in this world stuck within out tiny worlds which sadly are poles apart and may never intersect.

We feel empowered with the freedom yet tied down by the circumstances. We feel productive with our plans yet have no one to share the accolades with. Sometimes in life, when you were on the stage, you wish to climb down the stairs and be able to hug your near and dear ones who have watched you perform. The applauses are there but the hands are not theirs and it hurts in ways I cannot comprehend. How much can I tell them, how much can I share? How much of my world can they see through my eyes? We are together in spirit yet mismatched in life and why?