Words, words, words....

Dear God

हज़ारों ख़्वाहिशें ऐसी, के हर ख़्वाहिश पे दम निकले
बहुत निकले मेरे अरमान, लेकिन फिर भी कम निकले

निकलना खुल्द से आदम का सुनते आए हैं लेकिन
बहुत बेआबरू होकर तेरे कूचे से हम निकले*

Words hurt! A Lot...This could probably be the understatement of the day. Words have made me what I am today…insecure, alone and abandoned. What makes it worse is I am deeply loathed by the people closest to my heart. So much has been said about the virtue of straightforwardness but few have survived to tell the tale. 

God, I keep thinking maybe I made a mistake by revealing so much of myself to the world. All said and done, your hypocritical world is really never prepared for the truth. All the efforts in the world could not convince someone of my loyalty. Only because there were people planting well chosen and well timed words about me. I have never felt so powerless in my life, God.

I have been subjected to mockery, ridicule, criticism and what not! I am suddenly feeling so small. I feel wasted…worthless and what not. Trying really hard to get a grip on my feelings, I fail miserably.

God, I marvel at my strength every time I rise from the ashes. But every time, a little part of me dies. Log kya kahenge has never stopped me from making my own decisions or choosing my own path. But now it is my own people who have joined them.

Surrounded by material comfort and financial abundance, I crave for some emotional stability. A far-fetched dream if you ask me. With the speed at which my trust is being broken by my loved ones, left right and centre I don’t know how long I will last.

Just one more thing God - I have been really strong through this all and I thank You for being my guiding and driving force. Please restore my faith in humanity, kindness and love. Help me find some solace. Please!!

* Shayri credits : Mirza Ghalib