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Monday, 25 February 2019

Broken beyond repair

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Dear God

Sample this:
Accha hua ki tumhari shadi nahin hui. Kisi ki life kharab hone se bach gai.

I am a misfit and I know that. There is no need to rub it in like salt on my wounds. Allow me to heal God, allow me to recuperate from all the deceit that I have encountered in your world. Your intrusive, obnoxious, stubborn and self-proclaimed saintly world. Your do-gooders have done more harm than possible. Please make them stop.

People have so many notions when it comes to the perfect woman.  I am not that and I do not need to be that too. God, being unmarried does not mean anything to me. I have never given it much thought. But when things happen like this, when your own near and dear ones have daggers up their sleeves, there is nothing you can do. The helplessness is crippling me.

God, I have had a few difficult nights but this one takes the cake. With views so biased, I have a few choice words which I can’t utter. I had a talk with mom and it helped…a little. But nothing can fully lessen or remove the pain that these types of remarks invoke. My stance will never change God.

The idea of sharing my life with someone scares me. There is no way out of it once you are in. I don’t want my idiosyncrasies to affect anyone else’s life. But I am hurt. Hurt by the attitude and the thinking which invoked such reactions. Yes, my bed is never made, yes I am not a great cook, yes I have that laid back and frankly lazy attitude towards housework and yes my work takes the front seat always and forever. All said and done, I am good at heart.

I wish and long for someone who would one day recognize that goodness and love it. Is it too much to ask? Maybe then, little by little I will change. Or maybe I will never change. Only time can tell. But God, you made all things imperfect and they are all beautiful in their own way. I am beautiful in my own way. Even if I am not, you made me what I am and I am happy.

Let all the perfect marriages in the world thrive and prosper and let loners like me sulk in peace. Amen.





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