For a few more years or eternity….

Dear God

तुम नया जख्म लगाओ तुम्हें इससे क्या है

भरने वाले हैं अभी जख्म पुराने कितने

I am so angry with You today, yes You… As the birthday week approaches, people look forward to gifts, surprises and get-togethers. Me? I am looking forward to the some more brutality and pain. Yes pain!

I asked for one day, just one when someone takes care of me. I just wanted to smile on my birthday. This is what You planned for me? This is worse than solitary confinement, God. What have I done wrong? Self-dependence and a caring relationship with my loved ones. That is all I wanted in life. Everyone asks me to focus on what I have instead of what I lost. But then today of all days, I just can’t do that. I am missing out on the opportunity of having a normal day, let alone a wonderful one.

Why did You have to do this to me? Tell me. Show me the way. Help me walk. Guide me to the right path. God please. Your silence is killing me!! If I am a bad person then You shouldn’t have let me lose in the world. I am damaging everything.

You knew how shattered I was. I needed to heal and You keep on inflicting fresh wounds. Give me a chance to heal God. Please.

If I say anything to him, pat comes the reply “I will leave you if you want.” If I say anything to my family, they just dig the skeletons in my closet and let them loose for the world to see. If I say anything to my friends…By the way you call these backstabbers my friends…really?

Why do You have to be like this to me? I remember my childhood days when I used to repeatedly ask You ‘Have you created anyone who loves me? Have You created one, just one person who cares?’ I have not received any answers so far. I may sound like an ungrateful person God. But the truth is the glass is half full and I am thirsty.

I need to survive this God. I have to keep the hopes and the faith of all single women alive. But right now I really want to throw in the towel and give up. I am so done!!