Dada Kothay?

 

Dear God

Sample this:

Your truly aka I commissioned a new ac in my home sweet home and some technicians visited to install it in your home. I tied up my sweet little pooches briefly but as soon as the person entered the room he says.

 “ Dada Kothay?”. In Bengali it translated to where is big brother? He basically means where is the man of the house… like it’s totally his business. Then he completely ignores you asking him to leave the old ac alone and goes on to inspects it at length. In spite of repeatedly telling him, you just want the new ac installed instead of this thorough inspection of the old one.

Then when he goes to install the outdoor unit, he asks aapka outdoor unit stand par tha ya aise hi hai. You checked beforehand and told him it was mounted on a stand. But aise kaise aapki baat maan lega wo?  After all what does a woman know about these technical things… He personally checks it and lets you know Madam naya stand lagega. By virtue of experience and simple physics you know outdoor stands are generic in nature and there is no need for a new one. But he shows this blatant disregard to you and your suggestions and lets you know finally  Kisi tarah purane me hi adjust kar diya hai!  Yeah genius I told you that three times in a row already.

Downstairs your protective pooch does not like being tied and is barking insistently at the strange men present in his home. Irritated, the technician says, Madam isko dusre kamre me band kar dijiye n!! Moorakh aadmi!  You don’t get to barge into his house and say lock up your kids. I ended up untying my pooches and kept them in the room under my watch. They both instantly calmed down as they can now see what is happening and have taken their stance around your side.

Side note: Dogs bark at strangers especially if they are inside your home. Tying them just worsens the situation. Let them inspect the people in question from a distance and keep them close. They will calm down and under no circumstances you let unknown people approach your pooches.

Now he went on explaining to you at length what the previous mechanic has done wrong with the installation and how he is correcting his faults so you have a functional working efficient air conditioner. Once again, his genius mind trips on the fact that you are supervising their work and giving them inputs like purana plug khol kar laga dijiye.  Abe, I went to your shop yesterday unaccompanied, didn’t call anyone to come with me. Made the payment through my own account and specifically told you to have it installed. Men are simply oblivious to the fact that women can handle their finances alone and without any help whatsoever. It’s like they crave for a man jiske kandhe se latak ke hum demurely kah sakein Aye G safed wala ac le lete hain, wo apne room ke pardon se match karta hai.  Questions about specifications, voltage requirements, inverter friendly or not from a woman are either met with selective listening or them simply saying hum kah rahe hain n ye wala accha hai aap le lijiye.  Reminds me of the time when I purchased a washing machine and selected the colour maroon. He sent me a brown one instead and said, “Kya fark padta hai madamji aapko kapde hi to dhone hain.” I fu** paid for the maroon one, why can’t I have that? Why send the wrong one and then mansplain what I was going to do with the appliance in question. Such are men for you. They refuse to acknowledge women moving about in the society, paying for things they need or want and taking their own informed decisions.

Finally, he starts asking “Who lives here?”  with a curt “I do”.

“Family” They stay in my hometown. “

“Why?  Yaha kyu nahi rahte?”

I almost said “Bhai wo hum n thode se serial killer nikal aaye hain aur unke fridge me n ek mundi kaat le rakh di thi. To wo log thoda darte hai. Aur haan wo mundi aapke pyare dada ki thi han? Par aap mat darna aapki khali ungli kaat ke rakhenge sovenieur ke liye. “

I told them parents stay there because that’s my hometown.

Now he can’t curb his curiosity and asks “Job kaun karta hai?”  Again, my mouth almost blabbers “Har koi jo apne paison par palna chahta hai.”

 Quietely and patiently I say, “Hum karte hain.”

 Next came this gem, “Oh to dada ki jagah mili hogi n?”

(Refers to the practice of giving compensatory employment to dependant family members after demise of the person employed.)

At this point my patience was running thin but being the educator that I am I explain, “Nahi bhai jaise exam dete hain n interview hota hai selection waise wali job hai.”

 Then he finally asks what he wanted to all along, “Husband  kaha rahte hain aapke aur kya karte hain.”

I am exhausted by now and without further ado I tell him, “Bhaiya I am unmarried, this is my house, my job is earned on own merit not granted as compensation and I am the Dada in this house.”

Then comes this gem, His face visibly falls he sighs and says, “Itti badhiya job hai aapki to setlle bhi ho jati. Akele kyu Rahna.“

I resist the urge to say,” Bhaiya humko n poore ghar me har kamre me har furniture par fail kar sone ki aadat hai to aur kisi ke liye jagah Nahin hai.”

Then I told him, “Old ac repair karwana hai. Drawing room me set karenge.”  

Can any of you guess his response? He says,”Uski kya zarurat hai aapko to isi ek kamre me rehna hai.”

What in the name of God is this!!!!!!

 Let me tell you why I just could not confront him. They were three men all working in the room. I was right next to the door huddled with my pooches within shouting or running distance with a knife close within reach in case of an emergency. All I wanted was a working air conditioner. Small talk was another thing but the way he was shocked at me minding my own business in my own home was alarming to say the least. There are times when people have just openly expressed shock, disdain even grief at my personal choices. This one took the cake when he was replacing the curtains he had removed while working.

He said, “Ab aapne single hi Rahna hai to kar hi dete hain. Akhir kaun Karega ye sab kaam.”

Bhaiya ye baat hai to zara pankhe bhi saaf kar do aur kone wale attic se jaale bhi nikaal dena accha!

Lastly when I paid him and he was finally out of my house, I breathed a huge sigh of relief.

PS: He ended up texting me on whatsapp later. I blocked him.