A new year; a new person
and the same old woes. This year I expected a change and yet here I am. As
another ending looms large, I am forced to ask this question again; "Why me;
God?" When I started, I had expected a happy beginning for me. I thought I
was capable of bringing a change in so many lives; why not bring one in mine. I
thought I had a secure and beautiful relationship which will soon culminate
into something permanent. Alas!! No such luck.
The only thing permanent
in my life is change. From one everlasting oath to another…It has been a long
and tiring journey. I start with a fresh set of courage and it always ends
at me believing the worst of me. I wish for this to stop, yet find myself
powerless to do so.
God; You have seen it
all. Tell me why all the outcomes are so different. I hold so much of love for
someone and yet I can’t have him. On top of that, he accuses me of a million
things…deceit, cheating, back stabbing and immorality. What has happened to
your world God? Honesty, loyalty, truthfulness and love…nothing seems to work.
All around me I see people falling in love with the packaging…not pausing to
check the stuff within.
Yet my heart refuses
point blank to comply. Things would be so easy for me, if only I could shut up
my conscience. I know what you have in store for me. I had been sentenced a
while back, now only the execution remains. As the love in his heart takes a few
dying breaths, I plead once again to you. Stop sending half-hearted commitments
in my life which cannot be fulfilled. Please God, give it a rest. This year, I
give up on love altogether. Please at least let me enjoy my isolation in peace.
Amen
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