Dear God
Sample this:
“Tumhare pas bahut sa free time hai but mere pas nahin. Tum bekar baithi
ho isliye tumhe aise khyal aate hain. Tumhe cooking karni chahiye, bagbaani
karni chahiye. Tumhe sunrise ke pahle uthna chahiye. Tumhe basketball (!)
khelna chahiye…
Agar tumhe marna hi hai to mera kaam karwa ke tab is duniya se jaana”
The operative here is tumhe. You are the guilty party here for
feeling what you feel. That too because you have a lot of time at hand. This
one makes you feel even more worthless.
This world is full of hypocrites God. The people who ask you to spend all
your money on them are the same who advise you to save some for the rainy day. Moreover,
they will be the first to bail out on you in times of crisis. When you are willing
to share your hard work and the fruits of your labour with them then they are
your best friends. The moment you expect even a little help from them, be ready
to receive lectures on self sufficiency and enjoying your own company.
“HELP ME” I can’t spell in any more words. The answer I got is silence and a
phone which has been switched off now. He trusts time to do his job. When I ask
him why; I am being branded as an attention seeker. It is so easy to
attack someone’s self esteem when someone is feeling low. The worst thing about
all this is, he accepts what random people say about me. Cunning, conceited, disloyal…
the words are all wrong. They are so far removed from reality.
Being needy in a world which only caters to wants is dangerous God and
expecting someone to be there for you is even more foolish. You know you have
to face these demons alone. He is not afraid to lose you, no one actually is.
He is ready to let you go for you have come to a point where he can’t take your
melodrama (!). In this world where I am unable to even raise my voice, how do I
expect to get a solution?
I don’t. I just have to find enough courage to go on and somehow move to a
happy place where I feel light and free. So, help me God. I have to get out of
this feeling, all on my own.
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