The fallen woman II

Dear God

WTF!!!!

Ye kya tha? Nahin! Seriously Bhagwan ji kya tha ye?

For a person who claims to be an excellent judge of character, how could he go so wrong? So if I am travelling seated right next to someone, I might be having some crazy scheme to marry him! Is hisab se to duniya mein jitney bhi log bus ki seat par kisi ke bagal mei baithe honge unko alert ho jana chahiye.  Matchmakers delight…Just let the two people sit next to each other on a journey…problem solved.

God I am tired of these antiques. Here I was making a genuine effort to try and get some semblance of stability in my life. But any happy experience in my life has to come with a cost. There are things in my life which I don’t want to share with anyone…does that make me a devious person? What do I do to be finally understood, God?

Yesterday was amazing in many ways but everything just went down the drain after what he did. It is not his fault though…. The fault is all mine. I forgot I had no right to think of a life without him in it. Even if he is planning to get hitched to someone else within the coming months…Inspite of the fact that he has no plans to give me the dignity I always deserved. I should just soldier on? Be the Mirabai he always wanted me to be.

I lost everything God and now I have nothing to offer to anyone. Yet he claws at my very last attempt to have a stable and happy life. He was right, God. I will never find peace in my life. I am destined to be restless throughout my life. He said and I quote ‘Tum sukun ke liye tarsogi aur wo tumhei kabhi nahin milega!’

Nahi milega to n sahi.  I will still steer my life in the right direction. The one thing he fails to understand is that my life is not a rat race. I will do things but at my own pace and for my own reasons. I don’t want to rush into anything. If and when I do get hitched, I will make sure I have all my bearings in place.

Having said that God, there was no need for all this tamasha that happened. Please allow me to maintain the dignity of my situation and move forward with the grace I always had in me.

Love You, God. Help me!