The world as I should not see it!

Dear God

जिंदगी मौत एक जैसी थी, लम्हा लम्हा मगर जिया हमने

अब जो करना है तुमको करना है, हमसे जो बन पड़ा किया हमने

Life is a series of missed chances, lost opportunities and broken, incomplete goodbyes. People always keep moving on in my life. What do I do, God? How do I bring myself out of this loop? Am I really not worthy of love? Tell me, God? When am I going to find peace in your world? Or do I have to leave it? There are a lot of questions and I can’t find any answers. Here I was looking forward to a reunion and that reunion has now become an illusion.

I miss him, God. I don’t know if I will ever see him again. Can you make it happen? Please! I have no words to express my feelings now. I just have none left. Except for this deafening roar of pain. The pain never leaves me. I am hurt God and I don’t know what to do.

My job was supposed to give me solace, identity and shelter. It did but it brought so many bad experiences with it too. I have mixed feelings about it now. On one hand I am a self-sufficient individual who has earned her own place in the world and carved out her own identity. But on the other, I am a restless soul.

Was this the sort of emptiness my parents talk about? It is not. I just don’t want any random person. My longing has a name. My dreams are focused on one person and they have a face. I am incomplete but only one person can fill that void. Otherwise no matter how many people come and go, I am all alone. God please!

There is no greater agony than loving someone who does not love you back equally. It hurts so much God and now I am tired. Every day I spend without him is killing me. But he remains aloof. Deep down, I know he is on the right path. For I am wrong for him. Born at the wrong time in the wrong place, how can I be right for someone?

I strive hard to make sense of my life. I don’t know when I will be able to. One tiny step at a time I take. God please help me out. Please. I need one, just one tiny relief. Wherever we are, wherever life takes us let us belong. Please God.