The dark knight rises* - Battling Depression.

तुम इतना जो मुस्कुरा रही हो, क्या ग़म है जिसको छुपा रही हो

बन जाएंगे जहर पीते पीते, ये अश्क जो पीती जा रही हो

Dear God 

Picture This:  

You are all by yourself and have turned in for the night. One chance remark from someone you love and you start crying inconsolably. Damn that raw nerve! The routine phone call home is already done. No more phone calls to look forward to. No one is supposed to check on you in the dead of the night. No one is possibly aware of what is going on. You cry your eyes out at what was said, how it was said, why me and so on… In short, total chaos.

When I step out of my home, sweet home no one knows what I am going through. No one knows this person with a constant smile on her face has literally cried her eyes out the night before. No one knows the person who maintains a calm demeanor in all kind of situations is so restless within. No one knows the struggle of getting out there in the world and battling it out. When all you want to do is throw in the towel and lie low.

Believe me, I would give an arm and a foot to just block it all out. But that is not how I was raised. That is not what I was taught to do. That is not what I choose to do. I chose this life; I chose my war and I chose my battles. Win or lose, all I can do right now is fight. With the last ounce of my strength no matter how hard it is!

I keep telling me to take one, just one step farther. I know that just like the happy times, this time will also not last, it will soon be overshadowed with love, achievements, fresh commitments, new assignments or maybe newfound courage. Courage brought me this far. It is just a few more steps out of this hellhole. I have been through worse and always managed to overcome it.

This too shall pass. To all the brave people out there, here. I hold my own hand and walk when there is no one to support me. Hold your own hand and walk. You will be out of the dark soon. Believe me, there is hope, there is always hope. Even if there is not one in sight yet. Also please don’t try to not cry. Just let it go. The worst thing you can do to yourself is forcing yourself to stay positive.

If you are sad, you do have a reason for being sad. There is no need to force yourself to be happy. Don’t invalidate your hurt, sadness, anger and loneliness. First just flush out all the sadness by doing whatever you can. Binge on your favorite dishes, cry, break things, shout, grieve, listen to the saddest possible songs and cry your eyes out. It is important to empty your heart of all the negativity before positive ones can seep in. Make place for it by drawing the sadness out. Don’t hold it in, please.

*The dark knight rises is a Batman Series Movie title.