Dear God
Sample this:
I slammed the phone after hurling the choicest of insults and abuses on him
and followed it up with the nastiest possible messages. Cut to facepalm
infinite times.
It broke my heart to pieces when I did that God but have no choice as such.
We are at a stage in life which will take us to our different paths which are
highly unlikely to cross in future. He made his intentions clear when he said
that we have no future together. It is only fitting that I let him go.
Yet when I say that, he bounces back with his unlimited questions, mundane
queries and when all else fails abuses and curses. I don’t understand how
someone who loves me wishes for the worst. I remember all the days when his
accusations made me cry my eyes out and kept me awake for nights altogether. I
remember all those times when the helplessness of not being able to control any
situation used to frustrate me endlessly.
I remember God the desperation with which I tried to make him understand I
loved him with all my heart and soul. I remember all the random accusations,
the shared passwords, the loving gestures and the absolute integrity on my
part.
What went wrong God when I gave it all I had? Which stone was left
unturned? So many unanswered questions and all I have is silence…. No one will
ever be able to touch my heart and move my soul the way he did. Something in me
died when I used those awful words and I somehow don’t feel alive anymore.
But I know I have a long, very long life ahead. If this is what it takes to
move ahead, why not? I have been through so much already. One more broken
relationship is not going to hurt that much. Time heels everything and all… No
God…Time never heels. It just numbs the pain. This pain resurfaces and catches
you unaware when you least expect it. I owe all the happiness I felt to myself.
I owe all my achievements to myself. I fail miserably God when I try to share
with another human being. Maybe I should give it up altogether and just go
where life takes me.
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