The Half Life

THE PAST:

hazaron khwahishen aisi ki har khwahish pe dum nikle 

bahut nikle mere armaan lekin fir bhi kam nikle 

Dear Ex

Our relationship…a half full glass of water holds much more than what it held in store for me. A clandestine one at that… I still remember the stealth with which all our dates were planned. How carefully you avoided being seen with me in public. I still hate the way you asked me to keep mum about it. On the pretext of not compromising with my reputation, you made sure no one believed me if I ever said anything against you. In vain I trusted you and thought that you were well aware of the sacrifices on my part. In vain, I believed I was a girl fit to take home and share a life with. In vain, I tried to domesticate myself and estrange my friends. In vain, I believed in you and the promises you made to me. In vain for all this time I kept the flicker of hope alive.

There was no guarantee whenever we met if and when you will come back to me. Yet I put my life, my dreams, my future, my feelings and myself on line.

After you left, I have had the hardest of times believing I was decent; not fallen. Not characterless only because you took advantage of me. I had the hardest time believing I was manipulated to suit your interest. Not the other way round. I have had nightmares after you left; I was so sad and forlorn when you abandoned me. Abandoned is the word…That is what I felt all the time when I was with you. Abandoned and moored like a ship at the dock.

You are gone and I am picking up the pieces now. I am trying to think of a way to bring me out of it. I am trying to believe I deserve a fair chance. I am trying hard to forget the way you disregarded me and my feelings. The way you have hurt me, it will take ages to heal. I don’t know what I did to deserve this…   

   

THE PRESENT:

Chahton ka maza faslon me nahin

aa chhupa lun tujhe hauslon me kahin

Fortune favors the brave. So I decided to be brave and for once in my life asked for what I wanted. It’s all out in the open now. I have finally spoken aloud what I want in life and what I wish for in a relationship. This time, I refuse to back down. This time I will fight to finish. This time I will not keep mum. I will tell everyone about us, I will speak openly about my dreams and my expectations. I will expect you to commit yourself to me the same way I did. I will refuse point blank to back down and I will know deep that I am right. I have a right to believe in my goodness and that I deserve good. In fact, I deserve it all.

Disclaimer: The story I share with you all today; may or may not be true. For as a writer I am certainly influenced by what I see around me. At the same time, I retain what I call and known as artistic liberty.