Corporate Blues: Uncomfortable truths

 

Dear God

Sample this:

Wearing a new dress, you approach your office. Everyone who is standing there turns their head in your direction. Suddenly one of them says:

Waah madam aaj to kya lag rhi ho aap

All this while scanning you from head to toe.

Then this:

You are unmarried and this fact is well known in your office. Yet you get invites official or otherwise where there is a clear mention of a certain Mrs. ‘Yours truly’. Hash!! Man give me a break.

And then this:

You get random messages from people in your office citing invitations for dinner, coffee, outings etc. All this when you have not shown any interest in the person concerned all this while. Time and again you clarify that you are least interested in talking or even getting to know this person.

And the one which takes the cake is:

Bacche krne ki umr nikli ja rhi hai tumhari. Jaldi karo warna budha jaogi to koi fayda nahin hoga.

You put up a fight on so many fronts in life and one of them is work. When you step out of your home, sweet home you fight not one but many battles in the giant war against the world. One of the battles is proving you alone are enough to face the world and represent you. Being unmarried is a personal choice and yet in your professional life it becomes a war of two worlds: one prim proper, husband, children wala and the other visits to vets, hometown, trips and living alone wala.

Please admit that you envy my life and you want to be free too. Not this sly undermining of my situation, backhanded compliments and tirchchi nazariya on my car, my driving, my new clothes, accessories and so on….

My Crackheads family: Home away from home

Dear God

Sample this:

हम टुटेसिरों की राम राम। क्या है कि रोज़ सुबह हमको जो Gud Morning प्राप्त होते हैं.. बड़े boring हैं इसलिए अब हमारा वाला Gud Morning देख लीजिए। Style पिंकी aka गुलबिया का है हम पूरी बेशर्मी के साथ कॉपी किए हैं

Gud Morning message:

शुभ सुबह💜😘👻🤪🙈🤩😘🤔🙄🤨😛🤓🤨😚🤨🙂😗😏🥳😗😜🤩🥳😏😒😠😶‍🌫😤😡😶‍🌫😖😥🤥🤭🤬😱🤭😧😐😦😓😐


इसका जवाब:

एक purple दिल था जिसको चुम्मी मिली फिर वो भूत और पागल बन गया और शर्मा भी गया। उसकी आँखों मे तारे चमकने लगे फिर चुम्मी मिली। वो सोचने लगा और फिर irritate हुआ फिर भूत की ओर प्रश्नवाचक निगाह से देखा। भूत ने इंसानी रूप लेकर जीभ चिढ़ा दिया। फिर उसको चस्मा लग गया फिर प्रश्नवाचक निगाह फिर सीटी फिर प्रश्नवाचक। भूत सीधा ही स्माइल किया फिर smirk, सीटी फिर party फिर सीटी फिर आंख मारा ( छिछोरे!) फिर आंखों में तारे फिर party फिर smirk फिर राशि वाला expression फिर गुस्सा। अब चांद छुपा बादल में। बैल वाला गुस्सा, लाल मुंह वाला तेज़ गुस्सा, फिर छुपा nervous हुआ झूठा फिर हंसा गाली दिया ( गन्दा लड़का हुंह) haai raam फिर हंसा बेशरम फिर डर गया फिर शिवि का प्रेम फिर डरा, nervous हुआ फिर शिवि वाला फिर उसका दिमाग उड़ गया फिर nervous हुआ और किसी से न कहना

And this:

Who is Vimla? Mystery resolved:

 

Now you are going to think, what madness is this? This is The Crackheads for you… one most random mix of people who came together and became friends for life 😊.

One unbreakable bond of selfless love and care…and communication. The most random words which mean gibberish to you but to us they matter the most. Okay let’s begin from the beginning:

We started with fanmily: Ankiyans* and Animaz* and then became friends forever to each other. We have all been through difficult times and yet here we are. Sometimes I think of the journey we have all covered throughout our lives and now with each other. The incredible stories we have shared with each other are all tales of love, loss, suffering and then learning to love yourself all over again. When I think of how far we have come, I can only wonder at the progress, their growth and the way they now handle life. 

We are all so damaged and this friendship is like a gentle breeze in the face of our open wounds. There have been so many days when we have laughed, cried, shared, cared and then compared battle wounds too.

Life albeit difficult has become a joyride and a promise of endless love. I wish we all are there with each other throughout this journey called life.

The most interesting thing about Crackheads is Now we have two very special members in it. In my wildest dreams I had never imagined that one day Anku and Garima would be a part of Crackheads - that was the day I literally cried tears of joy. 

With you Crackiz, every day is a blessing.

Saranghae, Borahae, Always

*Ankiyans : Fans of Anku Thakur - Writer on Pratilipi App and now with two books Who Are You and You and Me - A beautiful Journey available on Amazon. 

Also available audio books on Kuku FM 

* Animaz : Fans of Anku and Garima Singh Both writers on Pratilipi App. Garima's stories are currently available on Pratilipi. 

 

Corporate Blues: Appreciations Galore

 

Dear God

Sample this:

One sweet voice, beautiful appearance and carefully chosen outfit. People in awe of the way you are, praising, admiring, clearing your way, handling your obstacles and loving you with all their hearts, sharing and caring and endless conversations. Suddenly being appreciated for all that you are and all that you do.

At times, I wonder am I the same person or is this some alternate universe where I stepped in? How could I be so good when I have been considered so bad… worse even. I can’t forget that last year I experienced the biggest setback in my career and personal life. And yet here I am!!!

Where the hell was this fighting spirit all this while? I could have had this positivity earlier also na, God? Why now, and how? If I get to know, I would be able to help people who are feeling not so positive in their life. Is it really all there in the mind only? Or is there something the world has to do? What was it that made it difficult for me to even get out of bed? What is it that now helps me wake up with a smile on my face and twinkle in my eyes.

Its not like my difficult days have disappeared altogether. I still go through tough times. Yet somehow in my heart I know this is not going to last forever. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

When I think of that time now, it seems so far away …. All that has been wiped from my mind as if it never existed. Yet in the back of my mind I know, that phase was there… It was a time when nothing worked. Today it seems as if everything is just working for me.

One thing which held me through all this is a bunch of friends – The Crackheads. Crackheads deserve an article of their own. The way they took me through these difficult times, constantly appreciating, helping, making jokes, holding hands, going through difficult times together. We have a long way to go and:

I am no longer alone.

Auf Weidersehen my furry friend

Dear Fruity

Meri fruita my baby, my jaan – whoever owns a furry friend would probably understand what I am going through. Those who don’t – just think of someone dear to you, aged around 3 years old and with all the innocence in the world. Someone whose loyalty is absolute and intention so pure.

Think of someone who will act like the universe revolves around you and that you are the Sun and they the earth. Think of love so pure, it will melt the hardest of hearts. Think of companionship, think of acceptance and absolute honesty. Think of childish questions and being happy in the smallest little things. Think if the words ‘Always there for you’ had a face and name it would be your furball, your dog, your adorable goofy kid. Yes kid! Being a dog parent is nothing short of being parent.

What happened yesterday is every pet owner’s horrible nightmare yet when it comes true…. I would not wish this upon anyone at all.  I am going back in time when I used to have Duffy my mix bred…. First dog in the family.

And now we lost you to reasons unknown. Fruity my lovely child please come back in the form of another furball I can love and cherish. Thank you for the time, love and attention you gave me. Thankyou for the love, care and happiness I experienced with you my baby. Moreover, thanks for all the small goofy silly puppies you gave birth to one of whom is Chiku.

Now I miss him more than ever, wish I was with him now. Will get him here soon in front of my eyes and I promise one thing to you –

In future I will try to spend as much time as possible with both Winky and Chiku. I know their time on earth is so... so… brief but it is up to me to make the most of it. To fill these days with beautiful memories and absolute love. The same love that they offer I can return in teeny tiny proportions.

And when the time comes for the rainbow bridge – I will wait till we meet again.

Love you

*Auf Weidersehen - See you again (In German)

Corporate Blues: Picking up the pieces

 Dear God 

So sometimes you accept your fate and move on!! Moving on from my previous predicament I ended up here... away from both my janmbhoomi and karmbhoomi. Everything just fell in place like the missing pieces of a puzzle coming together and now.... 

Within a very short time I have my place in the corporate world. My lost months taught me so many lessons... lessons I will always remember. 

Picking up the pieces of my situation, landing in this land unknown, making new friends and missing my fur babies like hell.

How does this happen God? How do I cope? Earlier when I moved, I had nothing but only bags to carry. Now I will have to pick up my whole grihasthi on my head and Heave Ho!! To this land of fish curry and rice.

Moving on is difficult as it is and now I have loss of people to cope too. I lost Sunita Aunty to an unknown illness yesterday. I just could not bear the thought that I will never see that smiling face again…. She will not call me Gudiya again and once again I am left in a void which will remain forever.

8 years have passed since I knew her and now….

Now I am here in an unknown land. I have a fresh set of predicaments to go through now. Hostel life is not very bad but here its total hell. The filth, the dirt, the mismanagement…

And when I want to attract the attention of the management towards it, the result of my efforts to improve the system haunt me. All I know is I can’t continue in this situation for long…

The recovery is well within my reach though!! Things will soon fall in place.

No room for self doubt

Dearest God

So my past life crimes have caught up to me...and that perhaps is the reason for all my predicament. Hmm...I see. Is it really that simple God? One life going so well no matter what they do ..and one down in the gutters. Only because of the past life. What happened to bygones be bygones? Or perhaps giving every single soul a chance to repent and reform. No such chance...eh. So only because of my past life I am suffering in this one? If this rings true, does it mean I have to stop all efforts to overcome my troubles. Give up the struggle and just passively face whatever fresh hell is in store for me? Or does it mean rely on fate with folded hands and just hope that everything will eventually be better as soon as the past is avenged!

No God, a big fat and firm NO!!!!!

Any karma good or bad should be avenged in the same life itself; no matter how grave the crime is. Nah? Otherwise I might lose interest in doing good…

My book of deeds is full of selfless acts and yet time and again I suffer!!

And then I think! ‘To each their own’ Even though my life is difficult and full of struggles, I am here for giving it my best shot. So many people do not have what I do. Ergo more power to me and You too.

You know what? I don’t care what my past life was, I have this one and it is enough. No matter why I am suffering today, I am sure I will make things better by my constant efforts. Till date, only my hard work kept me afloat and even now, it is this which will help me sail through.

I know I am taking a very big risk by doing this God. This risk though, is better than doing nothing.

This past life thing is nothing but a lame excuse per say. For those who are too tired or lazy to change their life. For those who are powerless and cannot stop people from taking opportunities to exploit their power, position, money etc.

So no matter what everyone says or does, I am here putting in my best efforts. Coz God, I have no room for self doubt. Absolutely none.

Coz like me, some people have to carve ways out of hell holes entirely on their own. 

# Cheap Thrills

 Dear God 

Sample this:

Scene 1 : A woman about to get engaged, a punjabi sad song playing in the background and suddenly the dame in question runs to the open arms of her ex standing right in front of her. 

Scene 2: A jethani with questionable motives and epic planning wishes to prevent her devrani from taking an exam (!).

Scene 3: A reality show where the judges are jumping like circus clowns doing antics well beneath their stature and dignity to show how the performances are extraordinary and never seen before. 

So much for creative direction... gone are the legendary shows like Swabhimaan and Shanti which gave us goosebumps with their plot twists. Gone are the technically sound Sa re ga ma and Boogie Woogie. Today's plot twists range from unplanned marriages to second marriages to forced marriages to bitter marriages to fake marriages...basically marriages. What are we trying to portray on prime time TV? ..That women are objects which can be bartered, exchanged, sold, manipulated or if all else fails sacrificed in the name of family honor. These are not the realities I want to see..these are not the values that should be visualized. Also the stereotypical career oriented modern woman with the heavy makeup and the arched eyebrows who just wants to snatch the man in question or get ahead in her career at the cost of her dignity and ethics?

Is it just me who slogged my a** off for years to get this job and worked day and night to secure a promotion? Why didn't I do it the way that is being slowly normalized by showing it on Prime Time TV? Snatch someone's influential husband and manipulate my way to the top! You know why? Because it is not normal. In the real world, career women also are full time mothers and they do full justice to their responsibilities. In the real world, women are proving their mettle at challenging and difficult jobs and get to go home to their monogamous husbands. In the real world, we don't have unhappy twisted marriages for all the wrong reasons. 

The real world is so different from these fake universes where everything just revolves around the kitchen. Actually it does not. Real life is filled of happy experiences and much love. There are some setbacks and difficulties that are part of life but I assure you, most of them do not revolve around snatching husbands, scheming in kitchens or manipulating simpletons into forced marriages. 

PS: The online content is so much better btw. 

Trips from hell: Happy women’s day

Dear God

Sample this:

You boarded a bus and you are trying to adjust your luggage. Suddenly the person sitting behind you starts shouting at the top of his voice claiming you have injured his foot. He is blissfully ignorant of the fact that he is encroaching into your designated space. Moreover, he has not adjusted the footrest. Yet he hurls a volley of abuses at you. While you struggle to make sense of the verbal vomit and the reason behind such behavior, his voice keeps crossing acceptable decibel levels.

Recently when I was on my way home, I encountered something very troubling. It makes me deeply concerned about the level it could escalate to. How fast a casual argument can turn into a slandering match or more if you are not careful with your words. It is alarming to say the least.

I was stunned by the fact that he was unnecessarily abusive and all set to take it to the next level. Maine to kuchh kaha bhi nhi. At that particular moment I was so scared and all I wanted was for the abuse to end. My only relief was my Papa who was about to board the bus soon.

That was the longest trip I have undertaken. Every moment took ages to pass. That night made me wonder how everyday life with that monster would be. I pitied the women in his life and prayed for his sister, mother, daughter and also hoped against hope that he does not have any women in his life to abuse or beat up.

The black and blue marks on a woman’s body are abuses we can see. But undermining her efforts, using derogatory words for her, name calling and making her feel less are some wounds no one can see. The silent tears a woman sheds in the dead of the night are a mortal sin on the part of the person causing them. There is no remedy for them too. Cases like Ayesha who jumped into the river Sabarmati with a smiling face remind us that we have a really long way to go.

As we struggle with cases of sexual assaults, domestic violence, rapes, acid attacks and all other physical forms of violence, we never know when we will be able to give our women the dignity, respect, space and love that they deserve.

The fallen woman II

Dear God

WTF!!!!

Ye kya tha? Nahin! Seriously Bhagwan ji kya tha ye?

For a person who claims to be an excellent judge of character, how could he go so wrong? So if I am travelling seated right next to someone, I might be having some crazy scheme to marry him! Is hisab se to duniya mein jitney bhi log bus ki seat par kisi ke bagal mei baithe honge unko alert ho jana chahiye.  Matchmakers delight…Just let the two people sit next to each other on a journey…problem solved.

God I am tired of these antiques. Here I was making a genuine effort to try and get some semblance of stability in my life. But any happy experience in my life has to come with a cost. There are things in my life which I don’t want to share with anyone…does that make me a devious person? What do I do to be finally understood, God?

Yesterday was amazing in many ways but everything just went down the drain after what he did. It is not his fault though…. The fault is all mine. I forgot I had no right to think of a life without him in it. Even if he is planning to get hitched to someone else within the coming months…Inspite of the fact that he has no plans to give me the dignity I always deserved. I should just soldier on? Be the Mirabai he always wanted me to be.

I lost everything God and now I have nothing to offer to anyone. Yet he claws at my very last attempt to have a stable and happy life. He was right, God. I will never find peace in my life. I am destined to be restless throughout my life. He said and I quote ‘Tum sukun ke liye tarsogi aur wo tumhei kabhi nahin milega!’

Nahi milega to n sahi.  I will still steer my life in the right direction. The one thing he fails to understand is that my life is not a rat race. I will do things but at my own pace and for my own reasons. I don’t want to rush into anything. If and when I do get hitched, I will make sure I have all my bearings in place.

Having said that God, there was no need for all this tamasha that happened. Please allow me to maintain the dignity of my situation and move forward with the grace I always had in me.

Love You, God. Help me!

Leap of faith : The road less travelled

 

Hi God!

This was meant to be a travelogue about a place I had visited recently but like every happy experience in my life this also comes with a huge price. A chance outing with some newfound friends and a very long drive. As he hurled abuses at me in the chat and I kept reading them I struggled to keep my tears to myself. Tumse kaun shadi karega…tumhare koi ek thodi hai… tum kabhi khush nahin rahogi…sukun ke liye tarsogi jo kabhi nahin milega…  Someday I will print the screenshots of all these abuses and throw it at his face.

The reason for this? I failed to ask him/ tell him. I asked mum if I could go and she said yes. But apparently it was not enough as I hadn’t asked him. Not to mention there was no guarantee if I asked him; he would have said yes. I did not tell him about the trip and that is true. But that was only because I trusted my judgement, was going to be absolutely safe. Moreover, I did not want to begin this long journey against his wish.

As he hurled the usual abuses at me, being in the car with 6 odd people there was nowhere I could go. Did I really lie, God? Was I hiding something from him? Am I really the devious, cunning person he accused me I was? Was he really on his way to my home to ask what he said he was going to ask? Was it true that what I wanted all along was within my reach and I lost it due to my own selfish motives? Was it wrong on my part to want to visit a new place?

God You know how I wish he could accompany me all the time wherever I go but at the same time I take my own decisions and retain my freedom. That much I will always retain. If I don’t tell him where I am or with whom maybe I don’t need to.

Sometimes great things are right within our reach and we just don’t seem to notice. As for Singrauli, it never ceases to surprise me. One such pleasant surprise was The Son Ghariyal Sanctuary* and Black Buck deer park*. The experience was once in a lifetime and yet it is blackened by the chat which I keep to remind me that this is the cost of my happiness.

Letter to Juliet Capulet*

 

Dear Juliet

As they say ‘Life goes on.’ When you were separated from your love Romeo through a cruel twist of fate, you chose to end your life and here I am! I chose life, Juliet. In your time, life was pretty simple for us their ladies. You fell in love, you got married and even if you did not you got married. As easy as that. We modern women have so much to think about and yet marriage matters. My love for him might not be as high and mighty as yours but love it is.

Love is when I try to build bridges between two universes which should have never co-existed in the first place. Love is when I am hoping against hope that with faith and time I can always correct wrongs. Love is when I welcome with open arms and let go as if it never existed. Love is when I get cheated and duped and yet have the courage to trust again, love again and get duped again. Love is when I pick up the pieces of my shattered life and learn to walk alone. Love is when I gather all the positivity of the world around me and walk with my head held high.

Love is when I sacrifice all the niceties of the world and chose the isolation. But modern love is never selfless.  It questions, it confronts, it ridicules and sometimes it walks away without turning back.

Juliet, my dear we walk away instead of pining in the dark. We withdraw our affections as soon as they are not returned. We see the love of our life choose someone else and join the celebration. We save our tears for later and show the world our dazzling smiles. Juliet not everyone is as lucky as you were. Love sometimes is not reciprocated, not returned. Love sometimes is disloyal Juliet.

Yet modern love takes pride in our bravery. Modern love sometimes makes you feel like Don Quixote charging at the windmills. Yet we fight this isolation, this abandonment. Juliet, you had allies and me…I am my only ally in this quest for love. The whole world asks me to be practical yet my heart holds on to the hope of being finally understood someday.

Why was life so simple in your time? You had one centre of your whole universe…. the love of your life. That too for the sake of simplicity was only one. There was no baggage from the past to wear you down. Your world revolved around just one…even mine does. But in ways unlike yours the centre of my universe keeps changing. Self-respect, independence, dreams, aspirations and ambitions suddenly replace the all-consuming passion of your life and times.

What went wrong Juliet in this quest of love…our quest of love. The dreams are still the same but they no longer need a prince charming on the white horse. Suddenly my heart wants to say ‘Look world! I can walk alone, exist alone and be alone without anyone by my side. Like all the girls out there, my heart yearns for love but with dignity. I wish you were here to tell me a way – one way where both these universes met. Where love and my dreams can peacefully co-exist. Will they? Only time will tell.

Love

Bhavana

*Note: This letter was inspired by the movie ‘Letters to Juliet’

The Braveheart

 

Dear God

As the world around me moves on, I look forward to……What? Calls, schedules, deadlines, events and files…all seem a far-fetched dream. As if it never happened. Yet my humble abode reminds me it is all true. In life we always assume things will always be as they are now, each day same as the other.

Yet I have adapted to this life so well. This free time on my hands helps me self-reflect, see new things, do what I always loved and be what I always wanted to be. I am fed up with putting up a brave front in life now. Sometimes I just want to pick up a baseball bat and smash everything in sight including some heads!

Khali dimag hai na…the devil wants a rent-free accommodation.

All these battles between the heart and the mind are an everyday thing now. Yet I put everything on the line and just watch. Speaking of bravery, as I tolerate the oven fresh accusations, my tears deceive me. For the first time in my life, I am devoid of all feelings. Something in me has just taken a sleeping pill. Devoid of all dread, I face everything head on. The abuse, the torcher, the accusations…everything…...head on.

How could he though? Why did he? What made him think the worst of me only because I chose to be some place I really wanted to be! How is life going to be without him? Challenging to say the least.

I could have lost him to fate God just like all the others. But seems like I lost him to his own misunderstandings. Why did it happen the way it did? Just one day when I was so excited to see something new. I saw that too…but at what cost?

Is it always going to be this way God? Will every happy moment in my life be crowded by uncertainty and gloom?  Sometimes I wonder why You did what You did? Why I can’t be as bad as others are? Why I can’t be as devious?

My questions have no answers God. All I know is I am ready to start afresh. I can build everything again rather than succumbing to their whims and fancies.

Fall from grace

Oh God, Dear God!!

I thought we had mutually decided to part ways or rather I put my foot down and decided to end this non-committal highly demanding one-sided relationship. Then why do I get reminded of the wrong kind of memories at the worst possible times. Now is the time to remember the bad, the worst and the ugly. Instead, I smile when I think of him. I dig out old photographs, check chats for sweet nothings and wish more than ever to hear his voice.

WTF!! What is wrong with me? Doing the right thing is so important but I didn’t know ye kiske liye right hai?  I am hurting him God and I am hurting myself too… Hurling abuses, avoiding calls and meetings is a futile exercise because my hearts longs for sharing everything with him. He still takes the cake when it comes to understanding what I am going through. Yet when he tries to reconnect, I can’t help but be so rude and upfront. It is as if my heart wants to confront him for every missed chance and every single flaw.

God, is this how U wanted my life to be? Loveless and alone…. I do feel a little lonely at times. But my best memories have always been from my solitary times. Solo trips were the best and I always aimed high when I was alone. Yet this emptiness in my heart where he used to be. God why do people come in someone’s life when they don’t intend to stay.

Fuck majburi and all!

Going through a professional turmoil was so educational to say the least. Suddenly my eyes were open to a whole new world who wanted to see me fall. People around me who criticized, ridiculed and even taunted my efforts to get back up on my two feet. Suddenly God I saw the ugliest possible world where I was in a downward spiral.

I put my best foot forward and wait for you to take charge. I know that this setback as with every other setback in life is temporary. Nothing lasts forever be it good or bad.

Meanwhile allow me to separate friends from foes even if I stand alone at the end.

Help you…Should I?

 

Dear God

Sample this:

I landed in a professional soup. I need your help…

After all these years of ridicule and questioning my abilities, you asked for my help. The moment you said those words, my impulse was to just rush into my mother mode. I planned how I would go about it. What I needed to do, the words I needed to use. In my mind, I was already thinking of the steps to take… all in my head. Then suddenly my head echoed with your words ‘You will never be good enough like her. She is smarter than you, she thinks of me always. She is my well wisher unlike you. She does not have any hidden agenda like you. She never talks back to me unlike you. She never asks a million questions unlike you. She dresses well unlike you. She is hot unlike you. She is organized unlike you’

During the time when we were together, there was always…always someone who loved you better, who knew you better, who did things better and who understood you better. I was so inadequate, so unworthy of being your partner, so unworthy of publicly acknowledging this relationship. You were so ashamed of me.

…and yet you come running to me and seek my help. Why? What happened to the long line of betters? What happened to all those smart, beautiful, talented, educated and scheming women you knew? What happened to those brilliant people who could judge someone just blatantly and shamelessly without even getting to know her?  

Do you have any idea how much you hurt me with your words and conduct? Do you have any inkling of how much I cried due to your acrid remarks and blatant allegations? Do you have any iota of shame? I think not!

When a man loves a woman, he protects her from the world. Yet you left me to face the world all on my own. Whether it was those nights when I dropped you home late night and drove back to my humble abode. Whether it was all those dates (!) when you randomly cancelled after making me wait for hours altogether. Whether it was making fun of my new outfit or a little weight I put on… every time you made me feel less than better, you lost me a little. You never knew how you killed our relationship little by little.

Now when you seek my help and ask me to be the same old helpful foot mat, I accept all that you said then and say “Please seek someone better to do this for you”

Thank You….

Call it a woman….? Hell Yeah!!

 

Dear God

Sample this:

Sans makeup, layered clothes, no frills appearance and no tantrums.

Yes world, we exist. There are a lot of women in the world who you call unwomanly. Tough women who never cry, graceful who know how to handle rejection, powerful who are responsible about their power and responsible not only for themselves but for people around them.

It is an amazing fact check God. For centuries, women have been handling care giving, nurturing, nanny duties and also chef calls with special requests with ease and panache. Yet we have been called the weaker sex. There have been numerous jokes about women being the spenders in the family. Yet everyone just loves the gifts she gives. Make fun of her remembering dates and little details but you have been saved numerous times when she timely remembered birthdays and special occasions.

You hate how her shopping list is never complete yet you are amazed by the small subtle changes her showpieces and little nothings add to your home. You don’t like the array of products on her bathroom shelf yet are blessed to have a lavender oil bath or a foamy refreshing lime shampoo.

You ridicule how she pays attention to little details like averting eyes and nervous foot tapping. Yet you are happy to take advantage of her hunches. You call her the gossip queen yet when her assumptions are right you never give her credit. You call her narrow minded when she warns you about certain people. Yet when they make their move, your jaws drop at the accurate perception.

All the jokes about her tardiness can’t help you notice how she never leaves the gas stove on or a tap leaking whenever she leaves home.

You are irritated by how much she changes when she becomes a wife, mother, daughter-in-law and sister-in-law. Yet you miss out how easily she accommodates new relationships in her life.

You are angry at the fat, bad haired, ever busy specimen in your home yet you miss out how she runs around making your life easier.

Stop right now and be aware - the woman in your life is special. Just like very woman is.

Go to Hell: A new year with a difference

 Dear God

Sample this:

I slammed the phone after hurling the choicest of insults and abuses on him and followed it up with the nastiest possible messages. Cut to facepalm infinite times.

It broke my heart to pieces when I did that God but have no choice as such. We are at a stage in life which will take us to our different paths which are highly unlikely to cross in future. He made his intentions clear when he said that we have no future together. It is only fitting that I let him go.

Yet when I say that, he bounces back with his unlimited questions, mundane queries and when all else fails abuses and curses. I don’t understand how someone who loves me wishes for the worst. I remember all the days when his accusations made me cry my eyes out and kept me awake for nights altogether. I remember all those times when the helplessness of not being able to control any situation used to frustrate me endlessly.

I remember God the desperation with which I tried to make him understand I loved him with all my heart and soul. I remember all the random accusations, the shared passwords, the loving gestures and the absolute integrity on my part.

What went wrong God when I gave it all I had? Which stone was left unturned? So many unanswered questions and all I have is silence…. No one will ever be able to touch my heart and move my soul the way he did. Something in me died when I used those awful words and I somehow don’t feel alive anymore.

But I know I have a long, very long life ahead. If this is what it takes to move ahead, why not? I have been through so much already. One more broken relationship is not going to hurt that much. Time heels everything and all… No God…Time never heels. It just numbs the pain. This pain resurfaces and catches you unaware when you least expect it. I owe all the happiness I felt to myself. I owe all my achievements to myself. I fail miserably God when I try to share with another human being. Maybe I should give it up altogether and just go where life takes me.

PS: I still love him God, heal him and help him.